"Well mortal, do you surrender or do I get the pleasure of ripping the flesh off everyone in this complex?"

Jon glanced over his shoulder at my seemingly lifeless body still hanging in the air. Then he turned to the still form of Private Hudson, slumped in the corner. His eyes slowly wandered back to Mephisto.

Jon met his gaze, staring straight back at him. With raw determination, he titled his head back and thrust out his chin. The tension was so thick between them that neither even took a breath. After what seemed a lifetime, Jon spoke.

"Fine. I surrender. If you spare the others."

Mephisto threw back his head and roared with laughter. Jon's face did not waiver the whole while that the devil laughed.

When the final sounds died in his throat, Mephisto said, "Perhaps I over-estimated you, mortal. We shall see."

He raised up his red right hand and gestured causing a swirling portal to open up in front of them. Mephisto took a step towards it and motioned to Jon.

All at once Jon lunged himself forward, crashing hard into Mephisto's back. The dark one staggered into the portal. Jon kicked him hard in the mid-section and Mephisto doubled over.

Pulling a round grenade from the back of his belt, Jon threw it with all of his might, straight at the demon king. A ferocious explosion tore through the small room, sending Jon flying and collapsing the portal. Mephisto was on the other side.

My body collapsed in a heap and my astral self was pulled back into with tremendous speed. I quickly crawled into my chair and rushed over to Jon.

"Are you alright?" I asked frantically.

Jon struggled back up to his feet and patted the smoke off his tunic. "Considering the alternative, I'm doing just fine. Think we've seen the last of him?"

"When Mephisto wants something, he isn't stopped so easily. It take a lot of power for him to cross dimensional barriers though, so we have a little time."

"Then we better get to planning, Professor."

I watched helplessly as Mephisto chocked the life out of Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator. Hudson writhed in a most painful looking way on the floor. Jon, ever the hero, reached his trembling hand towards his wrist device. With a tremendous effort, he managed to press one of the buttons. Suddenly a loud screeching sound emminated from the device.

In a fit of shock, Mephisto released Jon and quickly covered his pointy red ears. Jon himself was doubled over from the horribly loud noise. Not pausing to try and catch his breath, Jon cut off the wail and gave a terrific roundhouse kick that landed right on Mephisto's chin.

The giant demon staggered back, more suprised than injured. Jon whirled around to give another furious kick, but Mephisto had recovered himself and easily blocked it. He grabbed Jon's leg and using his own momentum, sent him flying across the room.

By this time, Hudson had staggered to his feet. With a ferocious space marine howl, he lunged at the demon, smashing head first into his stomach. Unmoved, Mephisto hissed as he smashed down with double fists into Hudson's back. One enemy collapsed at his feet, he turned back to Jon was struggling to stand.

Jon fumbled for his wrist device again but Mephisto, in a blur of red motion, was upon him. He wrapped his large hairy hands around the device and squeezed. The metal creaked and electric flashes danced from it. The device was destroyed.

Mephisto put his hand on Jon's neck again.

"Listen to me, hero," he rasped in his dark and evil voice. "Surrender to me or I will kill all of them. Give me your soul or I will take Xavier and Hudson and all the rest of the people you lured here to play your little game. And then I will kill you. What say you?"

As I spun limply in the air, I realized that I was watching myself from a distance. Mephisto was there in all of his red-skinned, loin cloth wearing glory laughing like the demonic maniac that he is, enjoying using my body like a telekinetic top while I floated in a corner, watching helplessly. Somehow his attack had forced me to astrally project.

With a gesture, Mephisto stopped my spinning. My limbs suddenly stretched straight out, rigid except for my neck which lolled in a most unpleasant way. The demon lord brought his hands together and started to crush my body. Panic flooded my non-corporeal essence. I tried to blast him psionically but my powers are very limited when I'm dis-embodied.

Blood started to leak in trails from my ears and nose. I could see my body folding in on itself. The creaking of my bones warned they were all about to pop.

Just then the door to my room slid open. In rushed Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator, followed closely at his heel by Private Hudson. They both had weapons drawn and opened fire at Mephisto. The demon recoiled for a moment in surprise. Then he whirled on Jon and Hudson.

"Pitiful mortals!" he bellowed. "You're pathetic toys can't hurt me!"

To prove his point he raised his arm quickly and both men went flying back against the wall. As they crumpled to the floor, weird webbing suddenly filled the empty doorway, blocking off any further hope for help.

"Oh man, you're game is so over!" Hudson shouted, springing to his feet.

He pulled out a vibro-blade and lunged at Mephisto. The giant demon easily grabbed Hudson's wrist, twisting it until the blade dropped. Smoke started to billow from his palm and Hudson howled in agony. Mephisto tossed him across the room just as Jon landed a devastating flying kick right in Mephisto's chest.

At least it would have been devastating against anyone but Mephisto. The demon laughed and grabbed Jon by the throat. His mighty fingers wrapped around his neck and started to choke the life from him.

This rescue wasn't going very well at all.

"This isn't what I signed on for," Henchman said, a brittle tone in his voice. Kriss glared at him.

"Jon is our gracious host," replied the Jedi. "He is a valient warrior and a brother in need. We must rescue him."

"Besides, Henchy," I said with a smile, "I thought you were trying to be a good guy now." He just glowered at me in response.

"Er," Mr. Bennet interrupted, "he does have a point though. Going to hell and fighting the devil aren't really my line. I'm thinking my particular skills might be more useful back here on Hacknor, sort of directing events from behind the scene."

"Forget it four eyes," Hudson said with his usual swagger. "Anybody can shoot one of these."
The private tossed the paper pusher a pulse rifle. "Just aim for the bad guys and squeeze."

"Alright then," I told the others, "into the breach!"

Blink, who doesn't seem to mind being used as an interdimensional taxi service, had answered my telepathic summons. Using her unique teleportation gifts, she brought us in a heart beat into the throne room of the dark lord, Mephisto.

It was hot. Sticky, sweaty, moldy and above all, hot. Mephisto was sitting on his skull throne, smirking at us. There was no sign of Jon.

"How dare you invade my realm?!" he bellowed suddenly.

"Again, you mean," I offered.

"Where's Jon you freaky red monster?!" Hudson yelled in his most agressive Colonial Marine voice. He raised his rifle and pointed straight at his chest.

"Ha!" Mephisto laughed. "You are too late. Far too late."

Dark Jedi Kriss's light saber hummed to life. "If you have hurt him beast, I shall cut you in two!"

"Save your strength," Mephisto replied with unmistakable gloat. "You'll need it. I don't have Jon anymore, you see."

"What? Why not?" I asked.

"Yeah, where is he?" Hudson yelled.

"I traded him," Mephisto said, his grin broadening.

"What? Why? For what?" we all called out at once.

Mephisto held up his hand. There was a small glowing cube in it. "This contains a part of the Kree Supreme Intelligence. With it, I can replicate an army of giant green super-intelligent floating heads. I will be unstoppable!"

Bennet looked at me and swirled a finger around his ear. "Cuckoo," he mouthed.

"Who did you trade Jon to?" I insisted.

"The Skrulls," the dark one answered. "He's on their home world. Not sure why they wanted him and I don't really care. This bit of the Supreme Intelligence is my ticket to universal domination! I told you Jon was valuable to me!"

"I think we're going to need a lot more guns," said Hudson.

There were several low level demons at various points around the entrance to Mephisto's citadel, but Emma and I managed to cloud their minds so that they could not see us. Our large group managed to sneak in to the central chamber.

Wolverine was locked into a cage of ashy bones while the Dark Lord played with his mind, forcing him to relieve painful memories from his past.

"Typical," Cyclops whispered. "It figures Logan couldn't wait for us before attacking. What a showoff."

"Just blast him," I instructed.

"Wolverine?"

"No you idiot, Mephisto!" I hissed.

Cyclops shrugged. With a disappointed look on his face, he unleashed a ferocious blast straight at Mephisto, sending him flying. Wolverine recovered his senses and smashed out of his cage. Laura, his daughter/sister/clone, was already freeing herself.

Mephisto got to his feet and let out a terrible howl. With a wave of his hand he summoned hoards of rather creepy looking demons. Obviously this wasn't going to be as easy as I hoped.

"Vhew! Zis is von hot place!" Nightcrawler groaned.

"Hell?" Cyclops asked. "You think Hell is hot? Imagine that."

"Hey man!" Iceman shouted. "I'm dripping! Water is dripping off me! I'm melting!"

"Zoot alors!" responded Gambit. "But perhaps you are jus' sweating, no?"

"Alright team," I said, "let's focus. We have to find Wolverine. He's going to confront Mephisto to save Laura."

All eyes turned to Ghost Rider for direction. He was turning around scanning the smoldering rocky horizon as he rubbed at his flaming chin bone.

"Uh . . the Throne of Mephisto is, uh, over past the Mindless Pits of Despair. That's er, between Mount Insanity and . . oh, wait a second. The Throne is at the foot of the Miasmic Dessert. Or . . uh . . maybe it was the Forlorn Canals of . . "

"Come on!" Cyclops yelled. "Just admit it! You have no idea where we are!"

"Hey! I am fused with the demonic Spirit of Vengeance!" Ghost Rider protested. "I know Hell like I know the back of mind!"

To prove his point, he held up his right hand and pulled off the glove revealing his bony skeleton. We all turned away in embarrassment.

"Well, well . . this is a surprise." Everyone turned at the sound of the deep commanding voice approaching us. The tall man in the red suit and flowing cape had an impressive mane of flowing white hair.

"Magneto?!" we all exclaimed as one.

"Hello Charles," he said as he stepped up next to me.

"What are you doing here, Eric?" I asked in confusion.

"Where else was I going to go? Detroit?"

"But . . I didn't know you died."

He looked around at the others sheepishly and then leaned down to whisper in my ear. "I was dating this killer robot from the future. Don't look at me like that. It's not what it sounds like, she was gorgeous. Anyway, she was pretty kinky and, well, we experimented with asphyxiation to enhance our-"

"That's fine, Eric. I really don't want to know. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you, Charles," he said straightening up. "You always were a gentlemen."

"Say . . do you know where the Throne of Mephisto is?"

"But of course," he said with an unmistakably wicked smile.

"Now look Mephisto, the X-Men beat you fair and square." I cocked an eyebrow and hoped the Dark One could not see my nervousness.

"HA!" he thundered. "Do you really think your pitiful band of misfits could beat me, the ruler of Hell, in my own domain? Please, don't insult my intelligence. I let you leave."

"Well that's not how I remember it. We beat your demons and we beat you. We rescued Laura from your clutches." That last bit didn't quite come out like I intended. I wanted to sound authoritative. Instead it sounded more like a question.

"You are naive, mortal. I let you leave with your little girl. And that pompous old Master of Magnetism."

"Oh. I didn't realize you had noticed that bit."

"There is nothing that happens in my realm of which I am not aware."

"Well . . you can't have Laura back," I said in my most commanding voice. "She is under our protection."

"As if that would mean anything to me. You obviously do not know with whom you deal, mortal. I am Mephisto, Lord of Hell."

"Actually, I did know that."

"The girl's soul was mine. You attempted to steal her from me. You took her from Hell without my permission. Therefore, you owe me a soul."

"What? Is that your game? Well forget it. I'm not giving you anyone."

"You have no choice Xavier. You and your team have created an imbalance in the natural order. The only way to correct it is to fill the vacancy. There shall be no peace in your world until a soul is provided."

"I'm not going to help you. I mean if you want take Magneto back, I think he's down in the kitchen now. You're welcome to him."

"Forget it. He's one of the Masters of Evil. He's already mine. It's only a matter of time. I need a hero."

"Well . . you can't have an X-Men. They are my children. Even Wolverine-"

"Ha! Now you're just being stupid. With his body count? He's already mine. It's only a matter of time."

Ouch. "Be that as it may. They are all heroes. Why Nightcrawler just-"

"Come on. He's a Peeping Tom. A pervert. He's already damned."

"Well if you want me, forget it. I-"

"Ha ha! You are an egotistical, condescending, power mad lush who's convenient moral code is quickly pushed aside whenever it suits your will. You are already mine, too."

My heart sank at that bit of information. Was he just toying with me? Lying to me? After all, I'm not a lush.

After an uncomfortably long silence, I finally asked, "So what is it you do want?"

"Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator."

"W-what?"

"I know that you are about to leave for the planet Hacknor for his little contest. You will go there, corrupt his soul and bring him to me."

"That's insane! Forget it!"

"You have no choice, Xavier. You and your X-Men are mine. If you do not bring me the Gladiator, then I will claim all of you now."

"B-but . . Jon isn't a mutant. Why me?"

"Because you are the most convenient tool. His is a pure soul. A true hero. He fights for righteousness. His soul is worth more to me than all of you X-Men combined. Bring me his soul and you are all free."

"Never!" I shouted, but Mephisto was already gone in a cloud of smoke. A loud horn sounded from outside on the front lawn. It was the space shuttle to Hacknor.

I watched as Jon helped Private Hudson to his feet. "It's a good thing you happened to have a dimensional portal closing hand grenade with you," I told him.

"Actually," Jon answered, "that was just a regular concussion grenade I had borrowed from Hudson as we were running in. I didn't know what we were going to find."

"Yeah, what the hell was that thing?" Hudson asked in that slightly whiny voice of his.

"That was Mephisto, the Dark Lord," I told them.

"So what, is he like the devil?" Hudson asked.

"He tries to be, I suppose. He's actually a kind of alien ruling his own dimension that he does pattern after hell. There are a few other beings similar to him and they all compete for human souls. Seems to bolster their power somehow."

"And what did he want with me, do you suppose?" Jon asked.

"He said your soul was particularly powerful. I wouldn't worry though, his ability to move between dimensions is limited. I doubt he'll be able to return here for -"

A sudden loud hum pierced the air, cutting off my words. With a searing flash, the misty portal re-opened and two long red arms reached out and grabbed the back of Jon's tunic.

"You cannot deny the will of Mephisto!" a dark voice shouted from the other side as Jon was pulled through the gap.

Hudson instantly leaped for the portal but it closed as soon as Jon was through. Hudson hit the floor hard.

"Oh great!" he wailed. "What the hell do we do now??"

Oh my aching joints. This Last Gladiator stuff is more physical than I remember. Perhaps next year I'll send Colossus to represent the school. The boy may not be too bright, dumb as a post really, but taking care of giant robots is kind of his specialty.


I was just starting to relax in the hot tub that I had Private Hudson install in my room, wiping his memory afterwards, of course, when a loud crackle broke the silence. Weird reddish smoke filled the room. This was followed quickly by a deep booming voice.


"Xavier!" Mephisto thundered.


I sunk down in the hot tub until the bubbling water was under my chin. I prefer taking my tubs au natural, if you know what I mean, and didn't appreciate showing the family treasures to the Dark Lord.


"Why have you not fulfilled your obligation to me?"


His question was more of a command than a question. I looked him in the eye and tried to reach into his mind. His psionic shielding is strong. "Forget it, Mephisto. I'm not going to get Jon's soul for you."



"Have you not heard how I've tormented your precious X-Men?" he taunted. "Let me show you."


Suddenly images of my various students struggling with a host of crises filled the room. Cylcops curled into a ball on the floor of his room weeping, Nightcrawler appearing in handcuffs before some judge, Angel locked in the bathroom (his bird-like digestive system can't handle Big Macs very well but he won't stop eating them) and the such.


"Looks like a pretty typical day to me," I sniffed in disinterest.


"BAH!!!" he bellowed. "You have 24 hours Xavier! Bring me Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator or you and your precious mutants are damned for all time!"


And with that, he vanished.

"Oh man, oh man, oh man!! What the hell was that? I thought you said it couldn't come back for a while?!"


"Getting excited won't help Jon, Hudson."


"Yeah, whatever man! You said El Diablo couldn't come back!"


"Okay, so maybe I was off a little in my calculations. Clearly Mephisto did come back and now he has Jon."


"Oh man, oh man, oh man!!"


I swear, Hudson is as big a whiner as Cyclops. "Get a hold of yourself!"


"But what are we going to do??"


"We are going to mount a rescue, of course."


"To where? Hell???"


"Yes. My X-Men and I just rescued Wolverine's clone/daughter/sister from there not too long ago. It's really not such a big deal."


"Are you freakin' kidding me?? Hell??"


"Snap to soldier! We have a man missing and we are going to rescue him!"


"But my commander isn't going to send troops to hell. You're X-Men are who knows where. You and I can't do this alone!"


"We won't be alone. We still have the contestants who are left from Last Gladiator Standing 2. Kriss, Henchman and Bennet."


"Bennet?? That guy's just some kind of dude in a suit! What the hell can he do??"


"Well . . he is very devious and manipulative. He might just do alright against Mephisto."


"I don't man, this plan sounds pretty weak."


"Yes well, just be sure you bring a lot of bullets."

"It's a demon!" Cyclops shouted.


"In Hell? Are zhoo zure?" Gambit asked incredulously.


"Blast him!" yelled back Cyclops, planting his feet a yard apart. A truly heroic stance. He reached up for the controls on his visor. Why, I don't know. The controls have been attuned to his brainwaves so he doesn't actually need to touch anything. None-the-less, he reached for the control button but just before he fired, Emma Frost stepped in front of the large scary demon.


"Don't be such a baby," she scolded Scott and the others. "This is a friend, isn't that right Hellboy?"


Emma turned around to face the large red man-like creature with the shaved horns. Her arms folded around his back of the neck as she leaned in for a long, undoubtedly wet kiss. I looked at Magneto and he just shrugged.


"That's right, baby," the giant with the large stone hand growled back with what could only be called a smile on his face. "Who's your friends?"


"Oh just some people I know. We're about to launch an assault on Mephisto. Do you want in?"


"I'd love to, doll. But I'm trackin' Rasputin at the moment. He's plannin' something big down here."


"Too bad. Well, call me."


And with that Hellboy left us. Our team regathered and we charged towards Mephisto's citadel.

special thanks to Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator for the pic

Pokemybootie.

Pokemybootie? This is the name that Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator came up with? What is wrong with that man?

While I admit that Evil Eye Candy my not exemplify the virtues that I have extolled to my students over the years, I must say it is a far sight less offensive than Pokemybootie.

For those of you who don't know, this is the name that Jon randomly assigned to my team on Last Gladiator Standing 2. Obviously there is something very, very wrong that man.

Hmm. Interesting. Maybe Jon is actually evil. Perhaps turning him over to Mephisto in order to spare the X-Men from his diabolic clutches really isn't so terrible. Yes. This could work out just fine.

"Well Hank, is your dimensional travel thingie working yet?"

"Actually Professor, the correct designation is interspatial transduction coordinator. And no, it's not fully operational, I'm sorry to say."

"And what seems to be the problem?"

"The device's primary function is to allow transit to the Negative Zone. It isn't calibrated to open a portal to Hell. Lacking the basic parameters, I wouldn't know how to synchronize the dappler settings."

"It's fortunate for us that I anticipated and planned for this eventuality." The rest of the assembled X-Men looked at me in confusion. I allowed myself a brief gloating smile. Sending a telepathic signal, the rear door banged open. In walked a man, sort of, clad in black leather. Fingers of flame leapt from his barren skull.

"Ghost Rider?!" the team shouted in unison. "What's he doing here?"

"We are going to Hell," I reminded them. "We'll need a way to travel there and a guide to Mephisto once we arrive. Mr. Rider here just seemed like a natural fit."

I nodded to Ghost Rider and he started swinging his blazing chain around in a circle. A strange whistling noise filled the room as a swirling eddy of light started to form. Intense heat emanated from the portal.

"Aw crap," Iceman said.

"X-Men!" I shouted. "Tonight we dine in Hell!"

This competiton is brutal. I just spent the last two hours trying to scrub Monkeyboy fur off my body. That stuff just gets everywhere. Perhaps I should have seen if Dark Jedi Kriss could help me with some Force power. Ah well.

Finally feeling human again, I was about to settle in for the night when a crack of electricity had filled the room followed very closely by dread filling my heart. I had been trying to ignore Mephisto's threats to destroy me and the X-Men if I didn't deliver him Jon's soul, that maybe he would just give up if he saw I wasn't going to play his game, but apparently it was not meant to be.

The Dark Lord stood before me. "You have failed me for the last time, Professor," he snarled.

"I will never do your dirty work, Evil One. Why don't you just go back to whatever hole you crawled out of and leave me alone."

"Bah! None my defy my will and live! Now you die!!"

And with that he raised his arms at me. Searing fire flew from his fingertips.

I dove out of my chair, crashing to the floor just under the jets of flame. I fired back a psionic force bolt, hoping to stun him, but his otherworldly shielding was strong. He resisted my attack and with a strange gesture of his hand, lifted me off the floor without actually touching me.

Floating helplessly in the air, I could do nothing as he started spinning me around. Faster and faster I went, getting dizzy to the point that I thought I was going to pass out. And then I did.

The X-Men's battle against Mephisto and his demonic hoards was something to see. I wish you could have been there. There was all sorts of fire and energy blasts and punches and claws and things. All hell broke loose really.

Get it? All hell broke loose. We were in Hell. Okay fine. Now you know why I never tried my hand at stand up comedy. Well that and the chair.

Anyway, I won't bore you with all the details of our tremendous battle. Suffice it to say, the right side won. ;-) Laura is safe back at the school. Wolverine is off with whatever team he's on this week. Iceman says going to Hell was actually a great experience. He lost 20 pounds.

The only real surprise, I suppose, was that somehow Magneto slipped back with us when we teleported out. Oh well, hopefully he's learned the error of his ways and will use his powers and talents towards the cause of world peace.

It could happen.

As I packed my suitcase in anticipation of my trip to Hacknor for Last Gladiator Standing 2, I couldn't help but pause to chuckle about the howls of horror coming from the ballroom downstairs. My students were "enjoying" the unique musical stylings of Sanjaya. Their screams and tears made all the stress and tension being the headmaster of this school worth it.


Petty, I know, but what are you going to do?


I was just double checking my inventory of heat seeking mini-Sidewinder missiles for my combat hover chair when an eerie screeching sound erupted from behind me. Spinning around, I saw a thick cloud of black smoke filling my room.


Suppressing a cough, I stared in astonishment as a figure emerged from the smoke. A tall red man with wild hair and the most evil smile that any creature has ever worn. Mephisto.






"W-what *hack* do y-you want?" I asked, trying to catch my breath.


"Heh, heh, heh. I think you know, Xavier. We have unfinished business."


His voice was a twisted cackle that sent cold shivers down my spine.

"I, er, have no idea what you're talking about. Absolutely none."

His smile grew even broader, stretching inhumanly up into his cheeks. "Then you, my friend, shall die! AHA! HA! HA!"

Crap.

Magneto led us confidently around the Fire Lake of Eternal Devastation. There was a small inlet on the far side, right at the base of Mount Chaotic. There stood the summer palace of Mephisto.

"His Throne is in the main chamber," Magneto told us.

"Perv," someone whispered.

"Freak," came another muffled voice.

I wasn't sure if Eric heard or not, but I did see his left eyebrow twitch. His voice betrayed nothing. "Alright, Charles. I have led you to the master of this realm."

"Oh, like I couldn't have done that," muttered Ghost Rider. "I would have found this place. Eventually."

"Zo vhat now, Profezzor?" Nightcrawler asked.

"Now we storm the palace. I have made contact with Wolverine and he is about to make his move. We arrived without a moment to spare."

The X-Men moved as one towards the palace. "Boy," Iceman said, "I hope they have air-conditi0ning in there."

I was going to tell him to focus on the mission, but before I could speak, a giant red demon with a large stone right hand jumped down in front of us. I had no idea where he came from.

"Hold on," he growled in a dark gravely voice as he pulled the cigar stub from his mouth. "You ain't goin' nowhere."

Great. And here I thought storming Hell would be easy.

As the interstellar shuttle flew me to Hacknor, I tried not to think about Mephisto. Was he really extorting me? If I didn't somehow deliver him Jon's soul, would he really kill the X-Men? He is well known to be a liar, among other things.

Maybe I should have warned Scott when I left him in charge. No, he would just worry. The poor boy can't really handle pressure. I wonder why I torture him by leaving him in charge all the time?

The correct answer, of course, is that I have great confidence he will rise to the challenge and be the best Cyclops he can be. The truth is that it's just fun to see him squirm. Not that I would ever tell anyone that.

As soon as the shuttle had landed I exited, only to find that the first challenge of Last Gladiator Standing 2 had just begun. Better late than never, I suppose. Hopefully I'll figure out something to catch up.

"Professor! Professor!"

Groan. Blackbolt had somehow gotten into my private chambers and was screaming my name. I lifted my throbbing head and managed to pry open my bloodshot eyes. Turns out it wasn't Blackbolt at all. Just as well, I suppose.

"What is it Bobby?" I asked Iceman, who was standing in my doorway with a rather anxious look on his face.

"It's Wolverine! He just sent a coded message to Beast! He needs our help."

"Well he's going to have to wait until the room stops spinning," I said. "Come back tomorrow."

I tried to tune out what Iceman was saying and focus my thoughts. Vague images of a wild party flitted into my mind. Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator swinging from a chandelier. Warbird doing a risque dance on the table. Koma getting an atomic wedgie from Vegeta.

Of course! The Amazing Mutant Race wrap party. I do seem to recall having one or two drinks.

"But Professor! Wolverine has gone to Hell!"

"We all knew that was coming, Bobby."

"No! I mean he went down to Hell with Mephisto! He needs our help!"

Oh, who am I kidding. Of course Jon isn't a bad guy. I know that. Mephisto wouldn't care about getting his soul if he wasn't of sterling moral fiber. If he really wants to try and claim the X-Men, then the X-Men will just have to face that battle when it comes.

As for right now, I have to focus on the current challenge on Last Gladiator Standing. Jon has made us get into these horrible metallic exo-skeletons in order to fight some kind of rampaging robotci monster that's in the process of destroying Hacknor City. At the moment I am getting my butt kicked by ones if its smaller drones. You'd think Jon would have given us a bit of training with these things before turning us loose on the downtown.

Say! Maybe Jon is really evil after all! Callous indifference to human like. That's certainly . . no. No, I won't try and justify taking the easy path.

OUCH! Damn those robots pack a wallop. I better focus.