Saturday, March 29, 2008

Mystique and her partner, Zartan, along with his crew, the Drednoks, had me surrounded, their weapons pointed right at me. Unfortunately the psi-blockers they each wore prevented me from using my powers to attack them.

"Time to die Xavier!" she shouted.
"Wait!" I screamed. "Xavier? I'm not Xavier! I'm just an actor! My name is Patrick Stewart! I'm just researching a part!"

"Bull crap!" snarled Zartan.

"It's true! I am Patrick Stewart! Wait, watch this. 'Number One . . make it so.' See?"

"What the hell is that suppose to be?" asked Mystique.

"That's me as Captain Picard. You know, from Star Trek? It's my other big sci-fi acting role."

"Well I seen that show, mate," said the Drednok named Ripper. "An' you don't sound like 'im at all."

"Well I, er, that is they, um, mix my voice in the studio so it, um, sounds different. Yes, that's what it is."

"Okay, mate," said Torch. "So what was the name ah your character in Life Force?"

"Life Force?" I asked.

"Yeah, you know. The one with that hot naked alien vampire chick walkin' around."

"Oh, of course. Yes. Um, my name was, er, John Smith?"

The Drednoks looked at each and shrugged.

"Well I don't actually remember your name," said Torch, "but I doubt that was it."

Zartan snapped his fingers. "What Duke did you play in Excalibur??" he practically shouted.

"Er . . Cornwall?" I answered.

"Wrong!" he roared. "It was Leondegrance! Ha!"

"Oh, uh, that's what I meant. It's been awhile."

"If you are Stewart," started Mystique with an evil smirk, "then get up out of that chair and walk over to me."

"Um . . I'd like to but, um, well . . both my feet seem to have fallen asleep. Occupational hazard."

"Hey Charles!" Buzzer shouted from behind me.

"What?" I asked turning around. The whole group began laughing.


"Alright everyone," Mystique announced, "fire on three! One . . . two . . ."

Friday, March 14, 2008

While Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator and Agent Hanson were hot on the trail of the nefarious person behind his recent slanderous media scandal, I decided to follow my own lead. I knew Mystique hadn't told me all she knew. She's very sneaky that way.

When I went back to her store front business, I found it closed down and deserted. A dead end wasn't going to deter me though. I contacted Jean Grey, who fortunately had been recently resurrected again, and had her use Cerebro to pinpoint Mystique's location. Turns out she was still in Washington, but now at a seedy bar in the low rent district.

I hurried over to the bar. Scanning it telepathically, I found Mystique inside. She still had her psi-blocker on. I was barely able to pick up any of her thoughts. From what I did gather, she was trying to set up another politican by posing as pretty blond. Zartan was standing by, ready to catch pictures of the two canoodling in the corner.

No time for disguies. I rolled in. Mystique was at a back table. Sitting with her was . . Dick Cheneny? How pathetic. He was moving in for a kiss. Apparently Mystique was going to black mail him for access to the White House. I couldn't allow that. I reached into his mind and made him think he was about to experience explosive diarrhea. Just as their lips were about to touch, Chene's face went green. He bolted up from the table and, shoving an old lady out of the way, rushed into the bathroom.

"Damn!" shouted Zartan, sitting nearby at the bar. Mystique just shrugged at him. Then she noticed me.

In one fluid motion she pulled a gun out of nowhere. A moment later, a pistol appeared in Zartan's hand, too. I threw my chair in reverse and crashed out through the doors of the pub onto the street. I started quickly down the block but three large, scruffily dressed men jumped out of van and blocked me off. They all had odd weapons in their hands. A chainsaw, a blow torch and some kind of giant pliers. In an instant, Zartan and Mystique were behind me. All had psi-blockers and all of their weapons were pointed at me.

"Time to die, Xavier!" Mystique shouted.

Suddenly my X-Communicator started to beep.

"Just a moment," I said. Checking the caller-Id, I saw it was Jon. He was sending me a meme. Oh, good timing, Jon.

"Sorry," I told the collected bad guys. "It's a meme. This will just take a moment." They all groaned and complained but lowered their weapons. Everyone respects the meme.

I quickly looked over the intructions:

List seven random things about yourself that people may not know.Link the person who sent this to you, and leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours.Post the rules on your blog.Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, linking their blog. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I'm an only child.

2. I'm an Aquarius.

3. I like racquet sports.

4. I subscribe to Newsweek, Entertainment Weekly and Vanity Fair.

5. I'm a terrible singer, but I love it doing.

6. The nerves in my knees are hyper-sensitive.

7. Frozen Fudge Sticks are probably my favorite desert.

Exciting, no? Now the tags - Vegeta, Black Widow, Henchman, Nepharia, Mr. Bennet, and Koma is going to have to do it twice when he gets back.

When I looked back up, Mystique was giving me a very impatient stare.

"Are you done yet?" she asked with barely concealed irritation.

"If I say yes, can we call it a draw and all go home?" I asked.

"No," she answered with cold steel in her voice. She raised her gun to my head.
Free Counters