Monday, August 20, 2007

As I was working in my study, a faint knocking sound came from my door. I didn't need to be a telepath to identify that weak-wristed, pathetic rap.

"Come in, Scott," I called out.

Cyclops entered. "Oh, uh, I'm not, er, disturbing you . . am I, Professor?"

"No, Scott. I was just going over Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator's campaign stops in Kansas. Apparently the humans are very excited about some large ball of twine in Cawker City. Seems like a mandatory visit on all the candidates itineraries."

"Oh, right . . the, uh, Presidential thing. That's, um, kind of what I, er, wanted to . . you know, talk to you about."


"Well I was thinking, I mean I heard that he was, uh, kind of like having interviews or something for, you know, Vice President? And uh . ."

"You want to be his Vice President."

"Uh . . yeah. I have, like, leadership experience. And, uh, I can give, you know, speeches and stuff . . "

"See the thing is Scott, I think Jon is looking for someone more-"

Just then my door banged open.

"What is this nonsense?! You would actually consider this weasel to be Vice President?!"

"Hello, Storm," I said.

"It's just typical white male arrogance, perpetuating the racist, sexist hierarchy, suppressing all the voice that don't belong to your little elitist club."

"Storm, it's not like that. Jon intends-"

"Oh please! Like there's anything you could say that would convince me that he is anything but part of the misogynistic repressive machine created by European land owners to subjugate the free will of the rest of the world. You will fall, fascist!"

And with that, like the proverbial whirlwind, she stormed out, leaving Scott and I staring at each other. Finally, he spoke. "Chicks!"

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

I returned to school today and to my great astonishment, the building was intact. That may well be the very first time I've come back from off-planet to not find the school in totally ruin. Even Cyclops seemed to be in fairly good shape. He managed to say hello without one stutter. No students were missing, no one was dead.

The only small wrinkle was Wolverine throwing a tantrum. Apparently he's been served with a civil law suit alleging that he contributed to the delinquency of a minor. It seemed a boy was caught by his mother doing things that boys shouldn't be caught doing with a copy of Wolverine's comic book in his hand. Logan is trying to blame me somehow since I had made the licensing agreement for the comic in the first place, but I told him he was being silly. I'll have to check with my attorneys to see if the X-Men's insurance plan covers such a claim. Somehow I doubt it.

Since my life is largley crisis free at the moment and the school session hasn't started yet, I am free to devote my full attention to Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator's Presidential campaign. Let the muck racking begin!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Well, well. I'm back one Earth, safe and sound. Blink managed to get us of the Skrull Throne World at the last possible second, as required in Article 2, paragraph C of the Super-Hero Code Book. We even took up a collection for a new arm for Henchy. It may not be quite up to snuff with the old one, but what are you going to do?

Before we came back to Earth, our team stopped at Hacknor where I was unceremoniously dumped from Last Gladiator Standing. Frankly I never really expected to win. That whole "standing" thing, you know.

I stayed to see Dark Jedi Kriss crowned champion. I was sort of hoping she would wear the Slave Leia costume again but unfortunately she chose something more conservative. She still looked great though.

Once the show wrapped, we all took a ship back to Earth. During our journey, Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator approached me about a wild idea he had. Here in the United States, for those of you living off-planet, we about to launch into a long, drawn out and potentially very ugly election for President of the Free World. Jon has decided to throw his hat into the ring. He asked me to be his campaign manager.

I must say I was quite flattered. Though I don't have much experience with running for an elected office, I am rather talented at both manipulating minds and strategizing. This could be quite fun.
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