Saturday, November 01, 2008

Yesterday morning I was moping in my private study, or rather I was engaged in deep contemplation of the travails of my life recently . . no . . reflective . . yes, I was being reflective about the turns, or perhaps events that fate put into my path . . or . . let's just say I was half through a bottle of fine Cognac when there was a rather insistent knock on my door.

My telepathic powers aren't at their sharpest after a few shots of Cognac so I wasn't able to clearly tell who it was. With a reluctant assenting grunt, I signaled whoever to enter. Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator burst in.

I like Jon so I tempered my hostile reaction to having my tranquility disturbed by merely scowling disapprovingly.

"Do you have a moment, Professor?" he asked.

"What is it?" I answered.

"I want to talk to you about my campaign."

"Campaign?" I asked, slightly confused.

"For President? You're my campaign manager!"

"Oh . . oh right. Sure. Campaign manager. Yes, well, what do you want to talk about?"

"Have you seen the latest poll numbers?" he asked with unmistakable dismay. "It's not looking too good and I wanted to see if you had any ideas?"

"Well I'm not just going to take over everyone's mind on election day and make them vote for you, if that's what your implying," I told him in no uncertain terms.

"Of course not," he replied defensively.

"I mean it's one thing to influence the occasional lady at a bar but I'm pretty sure fixing an election that way would be unethical."

"That's not what I'm asking!" Jon insisted. "Look, I had an idea. Dr. Zaius and his running mate Germaine Gregarious are having a costume party tonight. I figure we can go and -"

"Dr. Zaius?" I interrupted. "That monkey from Planet of the Apes?"

"Yes," Jon replied, with more than a hint of perturbance. "He's also in the election. He's the front runner."

"For President? A monkey? Are you sure?"

Jon let a long sigh. "Just trust me," he finally answered. "I want us to go to this costume party. There will be a lot of Zaius's people there. We might be able to get some dirt on him for an October surprise. The word is he can't hold his liquor. We might just be able to get some interesting YouTube video of him."

"Why would he be having a costume party?" I asked.

Jon stared at me for a long time. "It's Halloween."


"Didn't you notice all your students running around all dressed up today?"

"They always wear costumes here."

"Joker costumes? I counted like 10 of them."

"I figured Rogue was teaching some kind of cosmology class. Just between you and me, she uses so much make-up you'd think she was a French harlot."

"Whatever. I brought you a costume. Put it on and let's go."

" . . . fine."

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