"Jon is our gracious host," replied the Jedi. "He is a valient warrior and a brother in need. We must rescue him."
"Besides, Henchy," I said with a smile, "I thought you were trying to be a good guy now." He just glowered at me in response.
"Er," Mr. Bennet interrupted, "he does have a point though. Going to hell and fighting the devil aren't really my line. I'm thinking my particular skills might be more useful back here on Hacknor, sort of directing events from behind the scene."
"Forget it four eyes," Hudson said with his usual swagger. "Anybody can shoot one of these."
The private tossed the paper pusher a pulse rifle. "Just aim for the bad guys and squeeze."
"Alright then," I told the others, "into the breach!"
Blink, who doesn't seem to mind being used as an interdimensional taxi service, had answered my telepathic summons. Using her unique teleportation gifts, she brought us in a heart beat into the throne room of the dark lord, Mephisto.
It was hot. Sticky, sweaty, moldy and above all, hot. Mephisto was sitting on his skull throne, smirking at us. There was no sign of Jon.
"How dare you invade my realm?!" he bellowed suddenly.
"Again, you mean," I offered.
"Where's Jon you freaky red monster?!" Hudson yelled in his most agressive Colonial Marine voice. He raised his rifle and pointed straight at his chest.
"Ha!" Mephisto laughed. "You are too late. Far too late."
Dark Jedi Kriss's light saber hummed to life. "If you have hurt him beast, I shall cut you in two!"
"Save your strength," Mephisto replied with unmistakable gloat. "You'll need it. I don't have Jon anymore, you see."
"What? Why not?" I asked.
"Yeah, where is he?" Hudson yelled.
"I traded him," Mephisto said, his grin broadening.
"What? Why? For what?" we all called out at once.
Mephisto held up his hand. There was a small glowing cube in it. "This contains a part of the Kree Supreme Intelligence. With it, I can replicate an army of giant green super-intelligent floating heads. I will be unstoppable!"
Bennet looked at me and swirled a finger around his ear. "Cuckoo," he mouthed.
"Who did you trade Jon to?" I insisted.
"The Skrulls," the dark one answered. "He's on their home world. Not sure why they wanted him and I don't really care. This bit of the Supreme Intelligence is my ticket to universal domination! I told you Jon was valuable to me!"
"I think we're going to need a lot more guns," said Hudson.