Monday, July 28, 2008

"Ahem. Thank you all . . excuse me please . . thank you. Yes, thank you all for coming to my . . just give me a minute . . I want to thank . . please save any questions for the end. Now then, thank you for . . please, just put your hands down until I'm done. I will take questions after my announcement.

"I first wanted to thank you for coming to my press conference. I just want to announce to everyone that I have returned from my previous scheduled appearance on Last Gladiator Standing 3. Planet Hacknor was indeed lovely at this time of year and even though I didn't win, it was certainly both fun and an honor to compete with such fine sports-persons.

"I also wanted to make it perfectly clear that Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator is still strongly opposed to Dr. Zaius's No Child's Behind Left policy. It is just wrong and, quite frankly as an educator myself I can say this, just gross.

"Now then, are there any questions? My that is a lot of hands. Well, let's start with you Loyd."

"Yes Professor Xavier. How do you think revelations that you have been faking your crippling injury and subsequent need for a wheelchair will effect Jon's campaign for the presidency?"

"Wha-?? B-but I'm not faking . . that is . . I really was crippled. This wheelchair is, well, it's my chair and . . and . ."

"Professor! Clive Teasdale of the Times. How do you respond to the recently leaked video tape being widely circulated on the Interweb of you admitting to only using the chair to pick up loose women?"

"I . . I never said that. It doesn't even make any sense. If the women are loose, why would I need a gimmick?"

"Professor! Brock Johnson of News 12. Isn't pretending to be handicapped the absolute lowest, most vile kind of prevarication a person can commit?"

"B-but I . . I . . I . ."

"That's it! No more questions!"

"But Cyclops wait! Come back! The people have a right to now! Cyclops! Cyclops!"
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