Friday, September 02, 2005

Well that was about as annoying an experience as ever I had. I thought the judicial process was suppose to be impartial and fair? Our courts were suppose to be concerned with equity and justice for an aggrieved party? If Judge Judy is any example, the court system is about as fair as the tax system.

We arrived at the "court" (it's really a television studio in a warehouse on the westside of Manhattan) and we signed our agreement to be on the show and to be bound by whatever decision Judge Judy hands down. Confident in my position, I signed away.

In a normal court proceeding, the petitioner, in this case my ex-wife, Dr. Moira MacTaggert, would have to go first and establish her case. When Judge Judy took the bench though, she immediately began to lay into me!

"How can you possibly live with yourself letting this poor woman live in near poverty?!" the Judge yelled at me. I barely got out a sputter in response when she continued. "This beautiful estate in Westchester is yours, sir?" she shouted. All I could do was nod at the ariel photograph of the school. "And this plane is yours too?!" How she got a shot of me getting out of the X-jet I'll never know. "Obviously you've been secreting your true income and assets from your former spouse. How can you live with yourself stealing from this poor innocent woman? Did you think you were going to get sympathy coming in here in a wheelchair? Well forget it, baldy. Unfortunately the maximum arrearages I can award is $5000." Then the Judge got a wicked smile on her botoxed face. "But I am also amending your divorce judgment. From this point forward, your maintenance payments are being increased by $5000 a month."

I wanted to use my powers to melt her brain right there and then but I was just too flustered by her brutal assault. Her court officer, Burt, was just standing there laughing at me. Cyclops wheeled me out where some clod with a microphone waited for me to say something.

"That . . that woman has no idea what she's talking about! I didn't even get awife. How you thought you were going to get away with this I have no clue. You're obviously an idiot."

"But Judge Judy . . " I started to say, but she cut me off.

"I don't want to hear it. You think that just because you're in a wheel chair the world owes you chance to defend myself!" I told him.

"Puh-lease Charles," laughed Moira. "You got exactly what you deserved, you bastard!"

I couldn't take anymore. Scott wheeled me out of there. I don't even remember how we got back to the mansion. After this ordeal, I think I'm going to open the bottle of cognac that Warren got me for Christmas. I just want to block out this whole ugly episode.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Deadpool said...

Judy's a real byotch. Yup I remeber when she tired to enforce that silly restraining order, preventing me to see my Bea. Yup us mutants have to stick together to keep mutie-haters like Judge Judy away from the Supreme Court.

11:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So ummmm......like, what would happen if your "x"-wife died? Just cause...umm I mean you could...ahhh....well, just think about that.

8:16 AM  
Anonymous deadpool said...

I could make her "disappear" in exchange for a pair of Emma Frost's panties.

7:15 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

I did get the impression that Judge Judy is a bit of man-hater. I don't know that "disappearing" is really the right option, for her or Moira. And I don't think I could get Warren to part with Emma Frost's undergarments. He has them in the center of his trophy room.

10:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, deadpool. Since when are you a mutant?

3:05 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Free Counters