Tuesday, August 23, 2005

You would think that as the Headmaster of one of the most exclusive schools in the world, and the commander in chief of one of the most powerful teams of super-beings, that if I were called out of town for a weekend it would be to deal with some Earth-shattering crisis.

But no. Not me. Instead I had to spend my weekend comforting Scott Summers, wiping up his tears, cleaning up his puke and recycling his empty beer bottles. Apparently his girlfriend, Jean Grey, left him. Again. They had some squabble over her new X-Man outfit. Scott was complaining that it was a little too tight and revealing. He told me that he actually used the word "slutty". Needless to say, Jean didn't take that very well. She tossed him across the room telekenetically and announced that she was going to go to Atlantic City for the weekend with Wolverine.

Scott was furious. He ran to the garage and incinerated Wolverine's motorcycle with his powerful eye beams. Then Scott hopped on his own motorbike and took off, crying the whole time like a little girl. With Cerebro I was able to eventually track him down to a Motel 6 in Weehawken, New Jersey. I found Scott lying in a pool of his own sick, surrounded by an empty case of Rolling Rock beer. The bed had been flipped up against the front wall, blocking out the window. The place was disgusting.

I comforted him all weekend, telling him that everything would be alright. He never believed me. Eventually I gave up and, for the sake of my own personally sanity, decided to alter his memory with my mental powers. Now he thinks that Jean's costume is the greatest thing he ever saw and that her going to Atlantic City with Logan was his idea. Ahh well, at least there is peace in the school again.


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