Thursday, September 29, 2005

Well, the mission to stop Magneto and his Brotherhood from blowing up the world certainly went smoothly. I realize that writing is a limited medium so I'll just come right out and tell you, that first comment was made in my sarcastic voice.

The X-Men were to depart in two teams in the X-Jets to liberate the Creech Air Force Base that Magneto had taken over. Storm led the main assault team and Scott headed the secondary team, charged with securing the nuclear missile silos. Cyclops, who had not actually led a team in a few years and has been plagued recently by doubts and insecurities over Jean's lack of loyalty to him, was gripped by a sudden panic. While Storm jetted to the base in Nevada, Scott lay huddled in the corner of his jet crying like a baby, babbling on about how he would wind up getting everyone on his team killed.

Fortunately Gaia was there on Cyclops team and she used her reality warping powers to cause Cyclops' X-Jet to materialize instantly in the skies over Nevada. Ice Man used his powers to freeze Scott's private parts, causing him to snap back to reality. His team, consisting of Gaia, Ice Man, Wolverine, Gambit and Beast actually landed first. I used my mental powers of telepathy to get a field update from the team leaders.

Once they had landed, team Cyclops rushed to the first silo. Unfortunately for them, Sabertooth, the Blob, Avalanche and Black Tom were waiting for them. Sabertooth jumped in front of Wolverine.

"This is it, runt," he said. "We're gonna settle this once and for all!"

"Oh I agree, Victor," Wolverine replied. "It is time that we work through our issues. What I'd like is for both of us to make a list of our grievances with one another and then discuss-"

"What the hell are you talking about!? You're dead meat, runt!" And at that, Sabertooth jumped on top of Wolverine and proceeded to beat the crap out of him. Ever since the Scarlet Witch reversed his personality, Logan has lost his killer instinct. Too bad.

The Blob lumbered towards the Beast but Hank wasn't having any of it. "Do you know how long I spent on my fur this morning!?" he yelled, doing a double back flip. And with that, he sprinted back into the safety of the X-Jet.

As Gambit started to flip some engergized playing cards at Avalanche, Black Tom zapped an energy bolt at him. Fortunately Ice Man was able to get an ice wall barricade up in time and deflected the bolt. Avalanche was knocked out by the cards before he could cause a localized earthquake.

Meanwhile, Scott had assumed the fetal position. His confidence was totally shot. The Blob was about to crush him with his flabby belly when Gaia used her reality warping powers to turn him into a butterfly. A 300 pound butterfly. He fell to the ground like, well, like a 300 pound butterfly.

While that was going on, Wolverine was still being pounded on by Sabertooth. Creed swiped his claws across Logan's face, digging deep into his skin. Something snapped inside Wolverine. "That's it, bub!" he screamed and proceeded to fly into a berserker rage. "Screw Oprah!!" was his battlecry as he wailed on Sabertooth, returning to his true nature.

After Bobby had thrown an ice-ball at Black Tom, knocking him on his rear-end, Scott's team, no thanks to Scott, had managed to secure the missile silos. Storm, unfortunately, though she had finally arrived, was having trouble getting out of the plane. Apparently one of Angel's wings had gotten caught in the one door of the plane and he was howling in pain whenever anyone tried to pry him loose. A design note for Stark Industries - put two doors into the X-Jet.

Hopefully Storm's team will get free soon. Unless they can stop Magneto, we are all doomed. (dramatic, huh?). I will give you her report tomorrow, if there is a tomorrow.


Anonymous Emma Frost said...

Oh dear. I do so hope things turn out alright Charles, dear. I wonder why Storm isn't using the emergency exit or break the windshield? And poor Warren could use some pain on occasion.

I've had to take a small detour to Florida. It seems my jet wasn't quite as well fueled as I have hoped. So I'm writing this from the airport, drinking another martini. I shall be back by tomorrow afternoon.

Love always,


9:49 PM  
Anonymous Deadpool said...

Hope Wolvie's better for you.

10:38 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Emma, since Beast's unfortunate episode last month in the X-Jet after eating a dozen extra-spicey grande quesedeas, the emergency exit has been strictly off limits.

And Deadpool, Wolverine seems to be back into fine fighting form at last. Thank you for all of your assistance. I am in your debt.

7:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could you work Tana's leopard cat into the narrative?

1:35 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

It's funny that you should mention Tana's leopard cat -
- I'm talking telepathically to Storm now and the cat is proving rather integral to today's events. I will relate them to you once the events have unfolded.

2:00 PM  
Anonymous Gaia said...

After our group finished up I brought us to Storm's group and Bobby helped slippery up the door-way for Angel's wing to get out, but as soon as they all got out Storm told us to back off. She was really upset and Cyclopes kept giving her sideways glances. Well, our group is in the X-Jet right now playing go fish and doodling... -sigh- when can we come back, this is soooooooo boring.

Best Wishes

3:55 PM  

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