Monday, September 26, 2005

Well, Gaia put together a team of mutants with powerful mind-effecting powers and managed to correct the Beast's poor self-image. The change in him in just one day is remarkable. However, an unforeseen consequence has arisen that required my immediate attention. I called Beast into my office to address it.

"Thank you for coming, Hank," I said to him.

"Why, of course, Professor Xavier. I am, as always, at your beck and call." I did notice that his voice now rung with power and confidence, quite unlike the old insecure Beast.

"I received a call from Citibank today. They were concerned about the high volume of unusual charges on my credit card over the last 24 hours."

"Umm, but Professor, I thought that card was available for student purposes," he replied, a tad sheepishly.

"No, Hank. I do make that card available to students but for emergencies only."

"Well then, I can assure you that each and everyone of my purchases had the utmost exigency."

"Really? Let's see then . . $152 for Louise Galvin "Sacred Locks Moisturizer" from Saxs . . $635 for an Elsa Peretti silver brush set from Tiffany's . . $867 for the Salon Pro Ultra hair dryer from Sharper Im-"

"Professor!" Beast interrupted. "You have to understand that my beautiful fur coat requires the utmost care and attention. No expense is too great for bringing out the sublime angelic quality of my fur."

"Come now Hank, $635 for some brushes? That's completely unreasonable."

"That is merely a one time, necessary expenditure to insure-"

"Hank! While I am glad that you are accepting yourself as you are, I think you're going a little far with the expensive hair care products. What's wrong with the Pantene Extra Silky that you have always used?"

"Please Professor! I am aghast! That type of cheap shampoo might be alright for the children, but my beautiful blue fur is so consummately flawless, so ultimately splendif-"

"Hank! I am canceling all of these charges! If you want to spend $150 for a 6 ounce bottle of hair conditioner which won't even get you through one wash, then you will have to come up with the money yourself."

"But Professor, don't you see that my fur requires only the finest of-"

"NO!! Get out of my office!!"

And with that he quickly bounced out. I know I shouldn't have lost my temper, but his vanity is just insufferable. I am hoping this is merely a stage that he passes through quickly. We'll see.


Anonymous Deadpool said...

Update: Well Wolverine wouldn't stop crying after he accidently stabbed the guy. But I think I've toughened up a little bit more after that. He should be a lot better so I've sent him back to Westchester.

6:55 PM  
Anonymous Gaia said...

Professor, may I talk with Kurt alone, I think I have an idea.
(You need not worry about my saftey)

7:27 PM  
Anonymous Emma Frost said...

Bonjour all.

I've been wine tasting in Dijon. It really is quite charming here, though I have not seen any type of mutant activity.

Anyways, poor Henry. Vanity doesn't wear off easily, just ask one of my sisters. Whichever is still living. Perhaps I could be of some use when I return? A clean mind-wipe shall give you a clean slate to work with.

And Wolverine is better? I sincerly hope things work out for you Charles.

7:32 PM  
Anonymous Gaia said...

Emma, its not his mind we're having problems with. If you just mind wipe him, it will get rid of of his memories, but his personality(the exact thing we are trying to change) would be exactley the same. His confidence, his would all be the same. We would have the same problem with Kurt.
Telepaths are able to change personalities, but you would need help from someone like me or Arcadia(with the exception of maybe Master Mind).
Now, you and i have had our small differences, but now i need your help. Working with Jean did not turn out so well, and Sage is not powerful enough.When you get back to the mansion (and if you do decide to help me)I think we will be able to put a stop to Kurts peverted antics once and for all. You must visualize in your mind precisley how you want him to be and at the exact moment I alter your powers so he becomes how you visualized in your mind. I'm not quite sure what Jean was thinking when we changed Beast, but if you agree to assist me I'm almost certian we can change Kurt, that is if you allow us Professor.

Best Wishes,
Gaia :)

8:02 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Thank you for all your help Deadpool. Wolverine is being returned just in time. His unique skills should prove quite useful against the Brotherhood. Unless of course he falls to pieces on me. I think I'll sit this upcoming mission out.

Gaia, I appreciate your offer to help with Kurt. I was thinking about just having him castrated, but your plans are probably more human. Since he's still recovering from the beating the girls gave him the other day, he's going to have sit tomorrow's mission out.

I'm glad to hear that your are enjoying your vacation Emma, but we do miss you here at the school. Who's going to teach the "Our Bodies, Ourselves" class to the girls? Storm just doesn't have the patience.

And I do agree with you Gaia that erasing Hank's mind isn't going to do the trick. I hope your plan for Kurt is successful. Please let me know what happens.

9:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could always switch Logan and Hank with an alternate version of them. Maybe they would be better than the ones you have now?

11:50 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

I am aware of alternate versions of reality but I have found that that the alternate versions of us are often drastically different. For instance, there was an Earth where Apocalypse actually managed to conqueor most of the world, believe it or not. The Hank McCoy of that world was known as the Dark Beast and he was quite a sick puppy. At present, Hank and Logan are merely annoying. I certainly wouldn't want them replaced with psychopaths.

5:40 AM  

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