Sunday, September 25, 2005

Today I staged an intervention for Nightcrawler. His perverted behavior was threatening not only the peace of my school, but also was exposing me to personal legal liability. With Wolverine in manliness training camp with Deadpool and the Beast now being given to Gaia and her group for some self-esteeming building, mutant style, I've decided to try and tackle Nightcrawler myself.

Kurt was wheeled into my office this afternoon by Cyclops. Shadow Cat, Jubilee, Wolfsbane, Storm, Angel, Ice Man and Colossus were already there. Kurt still had on a body brace and wore a bandage around his head from the beating he received yesterday by the girls when he broke in on their steam bath.

"Vhat is dis?" he asked in confusion.

"Kurt, this is what is known as an intervention," I informed him. "We have all gathered together to try and help you see the effect that your indulgence of your lewd impulses are having on those around you."

"But, Herr Professor, I don't know vhat you mean," he protested.

"Of course you do you blue freak!" Shadow Cat screamed.

"Now Kitty, we are here in a supportive loving way and there will be no name calling."

"But that troll knows exactly what you mean! He's a pervert who likes spying on girls!" she yelled.

"Mein Liebschen, it is just dat I appreciate how beautiful you and ze others are," Kurt answered. "It is only natural zhat I vould vant to bask in your radiance!"

"That's crap!" Jubilee yelled. "You're just a pervert!"

"Girls, please!" I interjected, trying to maintain some control. "No yelling. This is about nurturing and resolution."

"Vhat can I say Herr Professor? I loves ze girls!"

"Well if you come anywhere near me ever again freak, I'm going to shove your tail so far up your butt that the pointy end will be coming out of your mouth!" Kitty was practically frothing at the mouth as she screamed.

"But little Kitty cat, you hurt me," Kurt replied with a wounded tone in his voice. "Can't ve be . . friends?"

And at that she picked up the lamp from my desk and threw it at him. The others were too stunned to react. The lamp smacked into his head and Kurt went over like a dead weight. Sigh.

"All right everyone, I think we've done enough for today," I announced. "Cyclops, please take Kurt back to the med-room and have Jean check him for a concussion. Thank you all for coming."

Oh well, back to the drawing board.

14 Comments:

Anonymous Deadpool said...

Update number something: I'm taking Wolverine on a mission with me today, hope all goes well.

12:17 PM  
Anonymous Gaia said...

Well, Beast certainly doesn't think he's fat anymore. He's boasting about well....he's..maybe I should just let you talk to him yourself. Jean is satisfied with how he turned out but I'm not so sure. Does anything ever go right here?

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Emma Frost said...

Poor Kurt. I shall see if I can help you in a week Charles.

I am enjoying my little vacation. Its very lovely in the English countryside. Nice and peaceful. If things get too crazy for you over there, Charles, you are invited to stay with me for awhile.

Well I thought I'd just chime in for a moment. Ciao.

-Emma

P.S. Gaia, dear, I'd appreciate it if you stopped calling me names. The result of continuing will not play into your favor when I return.

12:39 PM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

You can't have bad apples at the ceremony.

12:47 PM  
Anonymous nightcrawler said...

Vhy are zey being so mean to me? I have done nuzzing wrong. I vish I vas invizible... zen zey vouldn't see me and yell.

1:48 PM  
Anonymous Gaia said...

Emma, I have power beyond your comprehension. You pettey telepathy pwoers cannot possibly compete with mine(not to say that I am as powerful as you Prf.). And Emma, with reality warping abilities, it is not that difficult to cause someone to loose their...oh i dont know powers, looks, fortune, job, and memory. Just keep that in mind.

2:38 PM  
Anonymous Emma Frost said...

Gaia, dear, there is no reason to be so haughty with me. All I did was refuse to work with Sage and Jean, then you begin this whole "Emma bashing" thing. Frankly, you are beginning to really annoy me. And your naiveness about my powers is quite amusing.

Also I've decided to extend my vacation indefinitely. The thought of going back to the Institute is most disturbing on many levels. And having adventures in Europe was tempting. I might even have to start my own blog about it. Probably not. I shall be in France by the end of tomorrow, I believe.

3:25 PM  
Anonymous Gaia said...

Emma, "dear" I do not see why you are not willing to work with Sage and Jean. I agree with you that Sage is not a very powerful telepath (and so what if she doesn't like you?) and Jean....well ya, Jean is a little intolerable but you would only be working with them for a very short period of time. I mean, it's not like you have to touch them.

P.S. If you are going to France Emma, you really must visit the city of Clermont-Ferrand. The volcanoes there are absolutley fascinating.When(and if)you go you are able to hike up the tallest of them, Puy-de-Dome.It's really quite spectacular.

5:28 PM  
Anonymous Scarlet Witch said...

Oh, God I need to go back to the Avengers. I'm afraid the X-Men may need to try and capture "daddy" again. He's on with another one of his diabolical shcemes, and I'm just to tired of it all to try and stop him anymore. It has something to do with "super-powerful-nuclear-bombs" and the United Nations. I wasn't really listening to what he was saying when he was babbaling on about it...

5:33 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Deadpool, that is good news about you getting Wolverine to go on a mission. It sounds like from what the Scarlet Witch said that we may need our team at full fighting strength soon. I am also glad to hear that Beast is over his insecurities. Hopefully that will make him a more effective member of the team. We'll see. Thanks for the good work, Gaia.

As far as the bad feelings goes ladies, please do remember we at the Xavier Institute do want to promote peace and harmony amoung all the people of the earth. Unless of course they don't agree with us in which case we want to beat the crap out of them. Jean-Luc is right, a bad apple can spoil the whole bunch.

And Emma, I would like to hear about your adventures in Europe.

5:41 AM  
Anonymous Stephen Strange said...

Listen, Charles, sorry to be so curt (no pun intended, given your other troubles right now...) on the phone with you the other week. I just have a terrible load weighing down on my very soul right now, what with Dormammu and his slut of a sister back in town. You know the saying about fish and houseguests....

But there's no way I could take on Wolverine at this point. I mean, look at it from my perspective: I'm already dealing with Hulk, Namor, and the Silver Surfer. Can you say "management challenge"?

Anywho, ring me up again once things have settled down for you out on Long Island. I'll journey out there in my astral form for a game of chess. Or maybe we should just get tanked and make prank calls to the Psychic Friends Network again... Ah, Good times, good times.

Take care,
-Stephen

5:02 PM  
Anonymous Deadpool said...

Update: Well took him on my mission. Didn't go great. He wouldn't stop talking their. And he ended up standing the wrong guy.

6:26 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Stephen, I certainly understand about Wolverine. I know that he has had run ins with the Hulk. He's also had run ins with Namor. In fact, he's probably had run ins with just about every super-powered being there is. The personalities in the Defenders must be trying enough to reconcile.

It's funny you mention the Psychic Friend's Network. That's where Jean was working when I first recruited her for the X-Men. What a waist of talent. She couldn't believe it when I told her the operation was a scam.

I'm defintely going to need a break from this madhouse some time soon. Each one of my students is crazier than the next. Maybe we should organize some kind of team leaders convention in Vegas or Cancun. You, me, Mr. Fantastic, Captain America - that guy's kind of straight laced but he can really put the beer away.

Best wishes,
Charles

8:15 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

I certainly appreciate you putting the effort into Wolverine, Deadpool. Sorry he botched things on your mission. I hope there aren't any repercussions.

8:16 PM  

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