Wednesday, September 28, 2005

As you may have heard on the news, Magneto and his Brotherhood of Mutants (formerly known as the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants until that whole PC thing in the 90s), have taken over the newly renamed Creech Air Force base in Indian Springs, Nevada. The base houses over 100 Minute Man III nuclear missiles. Quite an explosive combination. Heh heh. Get it?

Alright, now you know why I never pursued a career in standup comedy. Anyway, with a mental summons, I called Cyclops and Storm into my office to give them their assignments.

"Professor, what are we going to do?" asked Scott.

"We are going to do what we always do in a time of crisis," I informed him. "We are going to respond like heroes. We are going to show the world that they should be grateful for mutants, not fear us. We will stop Magneto and his troops, as we have so many times in the past."

"Who is going on this mission?" asked Storm.

"That will be up to you Storm. You are leading the X-Men on this assignment."

"Of course, Professor," she responded in her cool, self-assured voice.

"Umm, Professor?" came Scott's hesitant and cautious voice. "Don't you think, I mean, given the seriousness of this threat, that someone with more, you know, experience, should lead the team?"

"Now Scott, Storm is com-"

"How dare you!?" Storm exploded. "You are always trying to put barriers around me! Keep your Euro-centric white racist pathologies away from me! Just because I am black you try to-"

"Storm, please," I interrupted. "Let's not start that again. Scott was just saying-"

"That is totally unfair Ororo!" Scott interjected. "I am not racist! I think all people have equal rights and-"

"Oh Godess spare me!" Storm moaned, throwing her arms up into the arm. "You are afraid that a person of color will outperform you and destroy your irrational, fabricated and laughable belief in the white man's superiority. Deep in your heart you know that the black race is superior to you. The truth will set you free!"

"Storm, please," I said again. "We have a very serious situation-"

"That is crap!" screamed Cyclops, his voice rising to an almost falsetto. "I'm better than you because I have more experience, both as a leader and in combat! It's not just because I'm white."

"Aha!" she yelled. "You admit that you think you're better than me because I'm black! Where's you white hood-"

"Enough!" I bellowed while also belting the two with a psychic blast. Once they managed to pick themselves up off the floor, they were both docile and thankfully quiet. "Now then, that's better. I want two teams responding to this crisis. One, lead by Storm, will be responsible for the primary assault on the command center. The second, Scott's team, will have the task of securing the silos. Storm's team will consist of Jean, Colossus, Angel, Havoc and Rogue. Scott will take Beast, Wolverine, Gambit, Ice Man and Gaia."

"Gaia?" asked Cyclops.

"Yes. She has powerful reality warping powers that could prove very useful on your mission."

"But Professor, my team, I mean - with Wolverine and Beast's recent, umm, personality issues, they may not be the most reliable choices for this mission."

"Scott, you have your orders. If you feel you can't lead the team then I will pull you from this mission altogether and let Gambit lead them."

"No, no," he quickly answered. "I can do it."

"Good. Now get going. And Godspeed, my X-Men."

Hopefully the actual mission will go more smoothly than giving them their assignments. We'll find out.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Gaia said...

Ah, eww.

OOOOO! This is so exciting, I can't believe I'm going. Maybe when we get back I can take a shot at Kurt, that is if Emma responds to my comment. I may need your help Prf. if she does not say anything.Either you or Emma should be able to set him straight.Oops, gotta go. Hope you can manage everything by yourself.

Best Wishes,
Gaia :)

9:07 PM  
Anonymous Emma Frost said...

Spammers. I shall deal with them upon my return. New memories as roaches should set them straight.

Anyways, greetings from Venice. Unfortunately I've no idea how I ended up here. All the wine tasting made me a tad tipsy and I've seem to have ended up in Italy. And Gaia, might you point in the direction in comment you speak of? I have a massive hang over and have already sedated several unsuspecting Italians in the hotel lobby.

Always,
Emma

9:31 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Spammers are an annoyance. I have used my awesome powers to erase them from existence. But they do bred like the roaches you mentioned.

I'm glad to hear you are enjoying your vacation, Emma. I must agree that the allure of the spirits are hard to resist. I have developed a bit of fondness for Cognac myself.

And Gaia, I hope you do return in one piece from the mission to stop Magneto so that you can have a go with Nightcrawler. Then again, maybe we shouldn't meddle with his mind. After all, the Beast didn't turn out quite like I hoped.

10:06 PM  
Anonymous Gaia said...

I'm writing you from the X-Jet's computer, our team still hasn't left. Scott's over in a corner crying "I can't do it, I can't do it" and Bobby's tryin to coerse him out. If he doesn't move soon I AM going to motion that Gambit leads us. And as far as I know, Storms team hasn't had any problems so far(except Warren getting stuck on the way out of the X-Jet AN HOUR AGO!).
Emma, I was reffering to the comment I made in the Monday, September 26, 2005 entry. I need your help with Kurt, I don't trust Jean anymore.

6:55 AM  
Anonymous Emma Frost said...

Alright, Gaia, dear. I'd be happy to help with Kurt. Maybe because I'm being nice. Maybe because I'm a little tipsy at the moment. The world may never know.

And I could've told you not to trust Jean. I was only trying to help with her and Scott's relationship and she nearly killed me. Never trust a woman who manifests an entity whenever she is angry.

And I'm on my private jet ready to go back to the Institute, almost ready to take off, drinking a martini. I should arrive soon. I do so hope the lock on my door is intact. I do not wish to read the filthy minds of the students and staff, trying to find out who broke into my room.

6:54 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Well, it will cetainly be good to have you back Emma. I realize you have tried to kill us all a few times over, but there is just something I like about having you around.

9:34 PM  

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