Saturday, September 17, 2005

Now that the Wolverine problem seems to be resolved thanks to the timely intervention of the Scarlet Witch and her personality altering magic powers, and with Nightcrawler still in custody after harassing the young girls here, I assumed I might finally have some peace at my school. Imagine my horror then when I went down to the entrance and saw that a Starbucks had opened up in the lobby!

How is such a thing possible? The location of the Xavier School for Gifted Students is secret! Where on earth did these maggots come from? Starbucks is like some insidious parasite.

I went up to the salesperson to complain but she just smiled and referred me to the mana
ger. As I ranted to the manager about how they were tresspassing on private property and they were not welcome, he just smiled and nodded. When I had finally yelled myself horse, he offered me a complimentary French Roast coffee. I was dumbfounded. The Beast told me to stop holding up the line. I looked behind me and saw 5 of my students waiting to order.

Having had enough, I used my awesome mental powers to make the staff run in terror from the school. For some reason, my powers had absolutely no effect whatsoever. I wasn't even able to read their minds. I think they might all be robots.

Starbucks is even more unstoppable than Juggernaut. I am powerless before them. Having them in the school will take some getting use to. I asked the manager if he had anything with alcohol in it.


Anonymous Deadpool said...

Starbucks is for technodorks and environmentalists. Viva la Hooters, or something!

11:03 PM  
Anonymous Starbucks Manager said...

We do not regret our business move Mr. Xavier. Starbucks should - and will - be implemented into any and all facet of the world of possible consumers. However, we will be willing to give you one free try of our new Grande Jumbo Mega Uber Mocha Latte. It tastes great and is a great refresher for you to start your day on! Try it today, only at Starbucks.

12:18 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

I can't believe that with the combined power of the X-Men, we are helpless before Starbucks. Rogue told me that they were planning to open a second one in the Danger Room! Something must be done about this menace. And um, you can send that Latte to my office.

5:50 PM  

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