Friday, September 09, 2005

My ex-wife, Dr. Moira MacTaggert, and I were on the Dr. Phil show today. I must say, that man is an idiot.

Apparently the episode had a theme of which I had not been told - Kind Suffering Women and their Evil Cruel Men. And here I was told that Dr. Phil was a woman hater who would be sympathetic to my plight. That's the last time I take Gambit's word for anything.

I suppose I have to take some of the blame. Everything started out perfectly nice. Moira and I sat on comfortable chairs opposite Dr. Phil. For several minutes we had what seemed to be a perfectly reasonable chat. He asked is about how we met and what attracted us to each other. It was actually felt good to remember our good times. He lulled me into a false sense of security. I didn't bother to read his mind to see where that twisted bastard was leading us.

"So when did things start to go wrong?" Phil asked Moira.

"When Charles started talking about how he was going to lead the world into an age of peace and enlightenment," she answered in that annoying Scottish brogue of hers.

"I see," Phil said with his long drawl. "So he has a Messiah complex. That's when a person thinks he is the Messiah." Duh.

I stared in open disbelief as him. "I don't think I'm the Messiah," I protested.

"Is it true that you want to lead the world into an age of peace and enlightenment."

"Well, of course," I replied. "I mean, isn't that a noble goal? Why wouldn't I want such a thing?"

"You see your problem is, you have delusions of grandeur. You've taken on to yourself the role of savior of mankind. What you have to do is . ."

"You quack!" I yelled, cutting him off. "You have no idea what you're talking about! I am one of the most powerful beings on the planet. I can make an entire city . ."

"You see, you are just proving my point," Dr. Phil said with an inane smile on his face. "You are just over-compensating for the fact that you're an old bald man in a wheelchair. You obviously feel emasculated by the . ."

I couldn't believe the pycho-babble I was hearing. Not able to stand another second of the lunacy, I had Cyclops wheel me off stage and take me back to the school. That is absolutely the last time I let the she-witch drag me onto a TV show. And I hope Oprah pulls the plug on that simpleton. You know, I don't think he's even a real doctor.


Anonymous Scarlet Witch said...

We had the same problem when daddy insisted on taking Peitro and I to go see "the Doctor"

7:19 PM  

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