Wednesday, January 03, 2007

A press tour. How dreadful. I didn't even want to do this silly Race. But Wolverine probably would have gone on strike if I hadn't. The last thing I need is for him to be sitting around the school all day and doing nothing. He gets in quite a bit of trouble when he's bored.

The CBS Press Liason sent me out on my first stop. Live With Regis and Somebody Or Other.

"We're here to today with Professor X, headmaster of the Xavier School for Gifted Students right here in New York. Let me just say Professor, you have got one GREAT name!"

"Thank you Regis. But my name isn't actually . ."

"So does that mean you're a member of the Nation of Islam?" the ditzy blond next to Regis asked. "You all change your names to 'X', right?"

"What? No, I'm not a Muslim. That isn't . ."

"And that chair!" Regis yelled. "WOW! That thing is great! It's HUGE! And it doesn't seem to have any wheels! Gelman, are you seeing this?"

A rotund man standing near the camera nodded.

"My chair isn't really that . ."

"And can I just say that I think it's wonderful that you work with disabled children," the blond interrupted. "That really is a special calling."

"What? My children aren't disabled. They're special because . ."

"Now let's talk about this new SHOW!" Regis shouted. "The Amazing Mutant Race 3. THREE! Now that's amazing! It's on CBS, right? It sounds like a great show! Tell us how it works!"

"Well there are 11 teams of two that are racing . ."

"And can I just say that it's really wonderful you're letting mutants play?" the blond asked. "I mean they're people too, right? They deserve to be able to play our games. I think that's just really special. Let's have a round of applause."

At that the drones in the studio audience all began clapping their hands.

"Thank your Professor X!" Regis shouted. He turned to the cameras and continued. "After the break we're going to have a very special guest - Carrot Top! Be there!"

That was something I did not want to wait around for.

8 Comments:

Blogger Tony Stark Iron Man said...

When I was on the show the Blonde though I was actually made of iron. Didn't stop me from getting her in my hotub Later that night but it almost did.

1:13 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Oh man, stick around for Carrot Top, he's got this funny schtick where he pulls all these wacky props out of a huge trunk.

8:20 AM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

That seemed a normal sort of tv interview. We get them all of the time.

Can't we wait for Carrot Top? That's what I'd tuned in for.

2:20 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

But... but... how on earth could you pass up a chance to slap the irritating blonde woman? Couldn't you have at least smacked her mentally upside the head? Such a wasted opportunity to put that shrill air headed harpy in her place. Though perhaps it is for the best, she seems to be perpetually pregnant. Birth control must be too hard for her to master.

I do hope you don't have to do a stint on the View

5:04 PM  
Blogger Kid Flash said...

Please prof!
Let me be your assistant on all of these interviews! I mean Im a Titan and a [Kid]Flash!
Please!
It will be fun!
I'll even wash the X-Jet!
Bart Allen.

5:04 PM  
Blogger Magdalena said...

Oh I hated when the church made me do these

5:14 PM  
Blogger Boulder said...

how come you didn't just wipe their minds and make em forget how to read the teleprompter, then ya wouldn't have ta worry bout all the stupid questions.......i take that back, you'd have to wipe their entire memory to even start that.

6:05 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Now I'm getting heckled by Simon?! The world has definitely turned upside down.

I thought about giving the blond girl a psionic wedgie but then I thought better of it. This was a morning show after all.

6:09 PM  

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