Thursday, December 14, 2006

Cyclops pulled the X-Van into the handicap spot in front of the Wal-Mart on 275 Main St. I pressed the button and the rear door slid up and the long black ramp extended out. I rolled down it and headed in to the store to find an appropriate gift for Captain Picard. In case you don't know, he's a starship captain in the 24th century who throws the most amazing Christmas parties.

The very first section of the store was men's ties.

"Perfect!" I told Scott. "What gentleman wouldn't like a sharp tie?"

"Er, I don't thing they wear ties in the future, Professor. Remember those, uh, jumpsuits they wore? No place for a tie."

"Right, right. Okay then, how about those over there?"

I rolled up to the cooking appliances. "The George Foreman Grill. A perfect present for any man."

"Yeah, but don't they have those food replicator things? I don't think they cook anymore in the future."

"Sounds like a Zager and Evans song."

We continued on throughout the store and Scott poo-pooed most of my suggestions. He said they had no room on the Enterprise for a wading pool or trampoline. No need for a set of decorative hand towels or recliner chairs. No interest in any one of a dozen other things I mentioned.

Finally in utter exasperation I came to a complete stop. "This is madness!" I yelled at Scott. "It's just a Christmas present! It doesn't really matter what I get him. There's no such thing as a perfect gift. I might as well just get him anything! Even this," I said as I reached out and grabbed the thing nearest me. I turned the box slowly around in my hand.

"Arrested Development?" Scott asked. "But they might not have DVD players in the -"

"I don't care!" I shouted. "He's getting this! Let's go!"

10 Comments:

Blogger captain koma said...

wow I always wanted that. Damn I'm jealous of Picard. Bald bastards always get the best presents.

Well I may be generalising there but as I said I'm jealous.

Koma

Future...aww what the hell you all know I'm big noting myself.

10:39 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Great gift. After watching that, perhaps Picard would enjoy a banger in the mouth. Oh wait, he's French. Perhaps we would like a saucisse in the mouth.

8:34 AM  
Blogger L>T said...

Hi professor! I'm getting you the same thing I got you last year. ;]

11:24 AM  
Blogger Magdalena said...

wow... and see you never got me something like that :P

2:50 PM  
Blogger Wolverine said...

Wait we have an X- Van?

5:22 PM  
Blogger Darth Nepharia said...

Xavier, if I had everything, but I spent the majority of my time on a ship, I think I would get away by going to an actual planet with land and trees and lots of sun....maybe you could get him a trip back to him home planet for a while? Just a thought....

11:41 PM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

Perhaps I shouldn't have read this post?

I'll get Bev to erase my short term memory.

9:36 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

Yo, ties are never gonna go out of style.

10:01 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Word

7:05 AM  
Blogger Gaia said...

I think this is why they have giftcards....

6:23 PM  

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