Sunday, December 17, 2006

With my gift firmly in hand, I had Scott drive us to the location Captain Picard had designated. As he had told us would happen, a Federation Time Portal opened and we were whisked to the 24th Century. From there a teleportation beam transported us up to the Enterprise. Upon arriving we joined the line of party guests being greeted by the command crew of the ship. They were decked out in their formal uniforms and their faces were full of smiles.

picardformal

That is, everyone was smiling except for the Klingon, of course. From the look on his face, I would have thought he had just lost his life savings on a hand of poker or something, except that he wore the exact same scowl at last year's Christmas party.

“Professor Xavier, I am so glad you decided to come,” Captain Picard said, holding out his hand.

“I wouldn’t have missed it, Captain.”

“I was sorry to hear about your difficulties in getting home from the party last year.”

“To be honest, after being with the X-Men for so long, I would have worried if something unusual hadn’t happened. And here’s a little something for the ship.”

I waved a finger at Scott and he handed over the gift-wrapped bundle containing the Arrested Development DVD collection.

After we had gotten through the reception line, we headed to the party in the open lounge area. 10 Forward, I think it was called. I saw a lot of familiar faces there – Jon and Hudson, Oneida and Typho, Spider-Man and Vegeta . . the place was actually rather crowded. Scott headed over to say hello to Hudson while I went over to the bar to see what new and interesting drinks had been invented by the 24th Century.

The friendly looking woman with the rather large and dangerous looking cranial accessory, I think she would probably call it a hat, was named Guinan.

“Nice to see you again, Charles,” she said with a broad smile. The murky green liquid in the glass she slid me was bubbling slightly. I looked dubiously at it. “Trust me,” she said.

I raised the glass in a toast to her. “Merry X-Mas,” I offered as I tossed the drink back. Wow! “Well if that doesn’t put hair on my head, nothing will,” I said with a wink. “And suddenly I have the strongest urge to find a restroom.”

“Down the hall, third door on the right.”

I nodded my thanks and left 10 Forward. Whatever that green concoction was that Guinan had given me, I was definitely having trouble navigating a straight line. It didn’t take long before I had lost count of the doors. As the corridor was deserted, I figured my best bet at this point was to just start opening doors.

I rolled up to one promising panel and it obligingly slid open. The interior was dark but I entered anyway. As the door behind me slid silently shut, the lights came on. The rather large room was mostly empty except for 10 rather large menacing looking cyborgs.

“We are the Borg,” the one nearest me said in a cold voice. “Resistance is futile.”

“Actually,” I replied, “I was just looking for the restroom. If one of you would be so kind as to point . .”

The closest one raised its clenched fist towards me. He looked like he was about to shoot me with some kind of wrist device.

“Come now,” I continued, “it is Christmas, you know. In the spirit of friendship and brotherhood, let’s just . .”

Two small darts flew from the end of his fist and struck my neck. I could feel small nanites enter into my blood stream and begin to replicate. Amazingly, they seemed to be connected to, and were receiving commands from, a central intelligence. The nanites were attacking my DNA, attempting to transform my body into something else, presumably more of these cyborgs.

Fortunately it was a rather simply matter for me to use my psionic powers to break the nanites connection and render them inert. The Borg had turned away from me, assuming me neutralized, and were conversing.

“The crew of this ship is distracted by their party,” a part Klingon cyborg said. “They shall offer us no resistance as we assimilate them.”

The Borg headed toward the door. While my powers have limited effect on robotic forms of life, these cyborgs had vital organic components, leaving them easy prey for my talents. I put them all to sleep and then headed back to the party.

Cyclops and Hudson were busy chatting up a couple of half-naked green ladies. Maybe “ladies” is the wrong term. Regardless, I headed over to Worf, the Security Officer, and let him know about his guests and their attempted invasion plan. He actually seemed rather relieved to be able to leave the party.

The rest of the night was fortunately free of any further life threatening incidents. I danced, I sang and I had a wonderful time. Merry Christmas, Jean-Luc!

9 Comments:

Blogger Wolverine said...

Yeah I had a run in wit'em too

8:49 PM  
Blogger Deadpool said...

This has nothing to do with this post, but the last. REMEMBER who told you to watch Arrested Development? Give Credit where credit is deserved.

10:35 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I woulda helped you out, but I think I was in the brig by that point.

8:04 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

It happens to the best of us.

8:19 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

Ah, Guinan appears to have given you a bottle of Romulan ale. I know it seems tempting, but if you ingest it, the future will be irrevocably altered.

1:46 PM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

Glad to know you enjoyed it.

2:41 PM  
Blogger Hot Stuff the little devil said...

I was in the brig too

4:09 PM  
Blogger WonderWoman said...

Congratulations on having such a fun time professor.
Wonder Woman.

4:20 PM  
Blogger KODIAK THE UNCANNY said...

singing *dashing through the sky on a no horse ion starship, all the klingons snarl, they have really bad breath.*

6:04 PM  

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