Wednesday, January 31, 2007

As you may have heard by now, I was arrested yesterday. Fortunately Storm came and bailed me out of jail. The whole incident was rather embarrassing. Looking back, I wish I could do it the last day over again.

It began when I saw the horrid advertisement for the Amazing Mutant Race 3. You know the one. That billboard with Wolverine pushing me down the stairs. I was already feeling rather put out, to say the least, with all the impositions the network had made on me by forcing me to go to these deplorable interview shows. It was just one insult and humiliation after another.

I had Iceman drive me to the CBS headquarters in Manhattan, fully intending to give the executive that had been sending me out to those . . those . . shows, a piece of my mind. Normally Cyclops provides chauffeur services for me, but as he is on the race he was unavailable.

When I got to the executive's office, Sam Slimeball is his name, his secretary told me that I couldn't see him as I didn't have an appointment. I became incensed. Then I took over her mind and made her buzz me into the executive's office.

After he got over his initial start at seeing me, his face brightened up. "Charlie, baby! You should call first next time."

"Save it, Slimeball," I said.

"Er, that's Sinval actually," he offered.

"Whatever. I am outraged at these terrible shows you have been sending me on. I won't have it!"

"Hey, I totally agree Charlie, baby! And I have some great news for you. The Amazing Race is doing so great I have been able to score you the grand-daddy of all interview shows. The absolute hottest ticket in town. The coup de grace, baby!"

"There is not a chance that I will do any more of those things!" I insisted.

"Oh, you'll do this baby! Oprah!"

My mouth fell open in shock. Oprah. Former Horseman of Apocalypse. An Omega level mutant of tremendous power. My sworn enemy.

All the rage and frustration I had been feeling exploded. I flipped open the heat seeking mini-sidewinder missiles launch button on my chair and pressed it. Normally I wouldn't respond with violence. I would just take over Slimeball's mind and make him do whatever I wanted. Such as canceling the Oprah appearance. For some reason that didn't even occur to me. I just wanted to hurt him.

Slimeball's office was vaporized in the explosion. Fortunately Iceman created a quick ice coccoon around the scared executive. Did I just say fortunately? Either way, Slimeball survived.

The police came and arrested me. The network agreed to drop the charges provided I paid for the repairs and went on the Oprah show.

Sigh.

9 Comments:

Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Wait a minute, wait a minute. These billboards say that the show is on weekdays. I thought that my contract said that it was a primetime show. Where's my lawyer? Who's my lawyer?

10:58 PM  
Blogger Darth Nepharia said...

Xavier, enough of this. Just take over the entire television industry (you *know* you can do it) -- they are, after all, in the same business: mind control.

11:19 PM  
Blogger Iceman said...

I hope people don't calling me the new cyclops now.

5:51 AM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Jail or Oprah? Jail or Oprah? Jail or Oprah? Jail or Oprah? Jail or Oprah? Jail or Oprah?

I am not going to make a choie, I just like saying Jail or Oprah?. (I think I spent too much time in "small world")

3:23 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Oprah Uma, Oprah Uma, Oprah Uma...

4:41 PM  
Blogger Vince Briefs said...

the same oprah That turned Dad evil? oh boy.

7:40 AM  
Blogger Kid Flash said...

If Oprah doesn't kill you with her questions her weave will.
That thing has a mind of its own!
RUN XAVIER...oh wait...WHEEL XAVIER!
WHEEL AWAY! WHEEL TO FREEDOM!
Kid Flash.

12:14 PM  
Blogger Frau Madgalena said...

you could always let me punish them

12:37 PM  
Blogger SQT said...

I need to pay more attention, I had no idea Oprah was a mutant.

It explains so much though.

11:31 PM  

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