XAVIER HAD LEARNED AN EVIL LITTLE TRICK FROM A SHORT, OLD GREEN MAN IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY. I FOCUSED MY CONCENTRATION AND GAVE THEM EACH A PSIONIC WEDGIE. THE VILLAINS ALL FELL TO THE FLOOR, CURLED UP IN BALLS AND STARTED WHIMPERING LIKE LITTLE GIRLS.
ALL EXCEPT ONE. HE JUST STOOD THERE, LOOKING DEFIANT, A GIANT BALL HANGING FROM A CHAIN IN HIS HAND.
"YOU ARE CRUSHER CREEL. THE SO-CALLED ABSORBING MAN. WHY DID YOU NOT FALL?"
"Dat's 'cause today I decided to go commando. Lucky me."
"YOUR POWER IS TO ABSORB THE PROPERTIES OF WHATEVER YOU TOUCH."
WITH A SMILE I TOOK CONTROL OF HIS POWERS AND FORCED CREEL TO CHANGE INTO TOILET PAPER. THERE WAS A BIT STICKING OUT OF THE BACK OF HIS PANTS. THEN I BLASTED HIM WITH A BIO-ENERGY BOLT. HE DISSOLVED LIKE . . WELL LIKE TISSUE PAPER.
LOOKING AROUND I SAW FRED THE FOX TALKING WITH HENCHMAN AND MAGDALENA. THEY SAW ME AND THE HUMANS DISAPPEARED THROUGH ONE OF KOMA'S PORTALS. I HURRIED OVER TO FRED.
"BLAST! THEY ESCAPED!"
"Yeah. Those two are tricky."
"I SAW YOU TALKING TO THEM."
"Er, right. I was telling them about how awesome your power is and how they'd be better off just surrendering to you."
"WISE COUNSEL. WHAT DID THEY SAY?"
"Well . . Henchman just made some disparaging comment about your mother and then they disappeared."
"OOH . . I AM SO GOING TO KILL HIM!"
"That's what I told him. Oh, and he also said that Prince Vegeta was back from his trip to Sky City."
WITHOUT ANOTHER WORD I OPENED ANOTHER WORMHOLE BACK TO THE SAYIAN'S. HE STOOD IN TERROR BEFORE ME.
"Onslaught!" HE CRIED IN NAKED FEAR.
"YOU KNOW WHO I AM, VEGETA. GOOD. YOU KNOW WHO WILL SLAY YOU!"
I IMMEDIATELY REACH INTO HIS MIND AND DEACTIVATE HIS ANNOYING SAYIAN POWERS. THEN I SAW SOMETHING THERE I WAS NOT EXPECTING.
"I SENSE A GREAT EVIL INSIDE YOU AND A HATRED OF THE HENCHMAN! ALSO YOU HAVE DISDAIN FOR THE WHORE! YES, I CAN USE THAT!"
JUST AS I HAD WITH THE HULK, I SPLIT VEGETA'S BODY AND PSYCHE INTO PIECES. I SENT THE EVIL PART, THE ONE FULL OF LOATHING FOR MY ENEMIES, AFTER HENCHMAN AND THE WHORE.