Saturday, November 26, 2005

I had to break up quite the ugly fight today. Shortly after lunch, as I was meditating in my office with a tall glass of Cognac, I heard a terrible commotion out in the corridor. I did my best to ignore it, hoping the crashing and screaming would die a natural death, but the noise just wouldn't stop. Reluctantly, I wheeled to the door and opened it.

To my surprise, Cyclops had Gambit pinned to the floor and was punching him in the face. Normally in this situation I would use my telepathic powers to take control of their minds and separate them. Unfortunately with the mutant child Leech still in the house, no one's powers are working at the moment. While it's true that I did make use of him in defeating the Shadow King, he has been much the nuisance other wise. I just can't think of what to do with him. Perhaps I'll call Child Protective Services and have him taken into foster care.

Sigh. I guess I can't really do that to him. The other students just wouldn't understand. Oh well. I was left with no choice but to break up the fight the old fashioned way.

"Stop this nonsense at once!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. The boys turned to look at me. Scott slowly got off Remy. Cautiously Remy got to his feet and they backed away from each other.

"What on Earth is this ridiculousness about?" I demanded in my most authoritarian voice.

They looked sheepishly at one another but neither said anything.

"Well?" I said again an octave lower.

Finally Scott spoke up. "It, uh, that is he . . he said, well . . well, it's nothing really. We, uh, we're over it, Professor."

I was rather tempted to accept that so I could go back to my "work," but somehow I knew that if this wasn't resolved now, it might just break my tranquility again in the very near future. And so I said, "Not good enough."

"It was him," Remy said, pointing his finger at Scott. Continuing in his faux-French accent, he said, "Scott was whining like un petite fille about how mediocre his new action figure was. I told him not to talk, mine was much crappier. That's when he went crazy."

"Hey!" Scott interrupted. "There have been two Gambit 6-inch dolls out! He's got nothing to talk about!"

"Oh yeah?!" yelled Remy as he moved closer to Scott, his hands balling into fists.

"That's enough!" I shouted. "First of all, they are "action figures", not "dolls", Scott. Second of all, you have had more than two."

"Oh you aren't counting those crappy movie toys, are you?" Scott said dismissively. "They don't even look like me. They're based on James Marsden."

"No, the X-Men had their own classic line out a couple of years ago and you were in the first wave."

"That doesn't count!" Scott whined. "That thing was so scrawny! And that line got cancelled."

"But the other 6-inch Gambit figure was in that line. You can't have your cake and eat it too," I told him.

"But mine was crappier than his in that wave, too. All his figures have been cooler than mine!"

I couldn't argue with him about that, so I tried a different tact. "Scott, you are being childish. These toys are for children. Who cares? We get the money from licensing the images and that's part of how we pay for all of this." At that I spread my arms out to indicate the entire world.

"But it's not fair!"

"Oh, you are such a girl!" Gambit shouted.

Scott turned red and jumped on top of Remy. This time, Remy was ready for him. He fell backwards, pulling Scott down on top of him, and in classic Captain Kirk style, kicked his legs up and flipped Scott head over heals onto his back. Scott landed with a loud crash.

"That's enough you two!" I yelled. "This whole thing is ridiculous. Scott, Toy Biz is going to be releasing a Classic X-Men box set in the near future and you will be in your First Appearance outfit. You will then have three figures to Remy's two. You can therefore feel like a real man. Alright?"

Scott groaned as he pulled himself to his feet. He wiped away a tear. Unable to look me in the eye, he kept his head down as he nodded. They both walked away in opposite directions.

I swear, sometimes this place feels less like a school and more like a day-care center.


Blogger Shaak Ti said...

Hey, I didn't read this post yet, I will eventually. I'm thinking about putting you as a link under a new secion for other sci-fi poser bloggers. We have about 30 in a blog called Starwars united.. or starwars unplugged. Whatever you prefer. But I don't think it is fair that it has to be strictly star wars! I will have to consult with the team members. There is 30 of them, you might even be able to join our community!

11:18 PM  
Anonymous Wolverine said...

Ha those losers! Thaey better flamin" forget About it! I got the most, and Best lookin figures of all the X-men.

5:03 AM  
Blogger Emma Frost said...

Of course you have the most actions figures, Wolverine dear. Marvel figures that you are a good role model for children, though I can hardly see why. But they aren't the best looking . No... I think Mr. LeBeau one-upped you on that.

Incidently, if he isn't Cajun, where is Remy from exactly? It seems his French is slipping, considering he used the masculine form of "une" when it needed to be feminine. He really ought to brush up on his language skills.

11:53 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

I think we can all agree that Wolverine does indeed have the most figures, at any rate. I for one can't wait for an in-scale Emma figure.

As far as Remy's origin, he was a foundling in New Orleans. No one really knows his true ancestry.

And regarding his atrocious massacring of the French language, I will blame myself. After all, I am translating his words to the written form and may have mis-heard him. Not that I would ever admit to a mistake.

8:21 PM  
Blogger Private Hudson said...

Where's my figure?

2:38 PM  
Blogger Elisabeth Braddock said...

Honestly, how could they fight over such a thing. -hides all of her figures and action figures before anyone could notice- Thats just childish!

7:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cyclops has three figures, the old scrawny one, and two new ones, one with the scullcap and the other when he was in x-factor. If anyone should be beating up gambit, it should be beast or colossus, who have been around longer and have only one each. not to mention havok or polaris who have none.

/figure dork
//luvs the blog

6:56 PM  

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