Wednesday, May 21, 2008
"Xavier, my ship has been seriously damaged by that raging sociopath, Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator. Unfortunately for you, this means I must use your disembodied brain for spare parts. Your grey matter will have to replace the logic board that drives the ship. As I said, this is unfortunate for you because it means your consciousness will be destroyed."
This was Nemonok talking. He is definitely one of the most evil beings I have ever met. He has stolen my brain and kidnapped me. We are now stranded somewhere on the outer rim of our solar system.
"Nothing personal, you understand," Nemonok continued. "I rather enjoyed our little road trip. Ah well. Goodbye."
Telekenetically, I'm assuming, Nemonok flipped switches and a mechanical arm emerged from the control panel and grasped onto the top of the jar my brain was encased in. It removed the lid to the jar. Tossing it aside, the arm then reached into the bottle, it's long metal fingers stretching around my brain.
They say there are no nerve endings in the brain. They also say that you shouldn't drink and drive or hit on your hot female employees. They say a lot of stupid things.
I could feel the cold metal arms lifting my brain out of the jar. It swung me around and moved me towards the computer bank in the control board. A panel slid open and the arm lowered me inside. I could feel wires and pads press against my grey matter, attaching themselves to me. It was rather icky.
"Goodbye, Xavier," Nemonok said with an unmistakably gloating tone. "I wish you well on your journey to the after life."
I waited, expecting to feel my life force slip away as my consciousness dissolved into the ethereal nothingness.
It didn't happen. I felt just fine, for a disembodied head, anyway. I could also feel the entire ship around me, connected to me. All the controls and circuits and functions, all awaiting my instruction. Nemonok began to flip various switches, obviously trying to pilot the ship somewhere. I disconnected his controls.
"What is this?" he spat. Figuratively, of course. "Why isn't this damn thing working?!" He began to cause the switches to flip back and forth furiously. "It's that damn Xavier's weak brain! And here I had thought he was actually an intellect somewhat near to my own capacity. Blast it!"
"No need to call me names, Nemo," I thought at him. "My brain is working just fine and I am in harmony with the ship. Just relax."
Nemonok made the oddest sound I had ever heard. It sounded vaguely like he was gargling while ordering pizza. He then tried to direct the mechanical arm to remove me from the logic control module. I disabled that too.
"Fine!' he shouted. "But you have won nothing! This ship is still disabled and not going anywhere. Without your precious life-giving fluids in your brain jar, you will be a dead husk in minutes! Your only choice is to return to the jar and then I will once again be in total control!"
Suddenly the ship started shuddering. On the viewer, a giant green ship appeared. It was a Shi'Ar battle cruiser.