Thursday, September 21, 2006

"TELL ME WHERE THAT TROUBLE MAKER GAIA IS!"

"Er . . well, I'm not really sure about that. I mean I know she was at the school, but, um . . "

"YOU ARE STALLING! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, FOX?!"

"Nothing! Oh, I know where she went. Koma hid her and some of the students in nearby pocket dimension. It's vibrational frequency is .069 off the median. It's actually the conduit through which all his teleportations go."

" . . YOU ARE RATHER CLEVER FOR A SMALL FURRY WOODLAND CREATURE."

"Well I do live at a school."

"VERY WELL. I SHALL OPEN A WORMHOLE TO THIS DIMENSION - THERE!"

"And there's Gaia!"

"Gosh, Dan, your hands are so strong."

"And your shoulders are so tense. I think I'm going to have to rub them at least once a day until we get you - what the hell is that?!"

"NOW GAIA, YOU SHALL DIE FOR CAUSING ALL OF THE PROBLEMS IN XAVIER'S LIFE!"

"What the hell are you talking about, Onslaught!? You're the crazy psycho ruining him!"

"IF IT WAS NOT FOR YOUR ATTEMPTED CONQUEST OF THE PLANET, THE HARLET WOULD NOT HAVE BETRAYED HIM WITH THAT SECOND-STRINGER!"

"You're nuts! I never tried to take over the planet!"

"HA! YOUR PATHETIC LIES WILL NOT SAVE YOU FROM MY WRATH!"

KNOWING THE VAST POWER GAIA WEILDS, I ATTACKED QUCIKLY, FIRING A DEADLY ENERGY BLAST AT HER. THAT FOOL JOCK OF HERS DOVE AND KNOCKED HER TO SAFETY.

"BAH! YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPTS TO RESIST MY POWER WILL AVAIL YOU NOT! I AM ONSLAUGHT!"

WITH A WAVE OF HER HAND, THE FLOOR BENEATH ME DISAPPEARED AND I FELL DOWN INTO A GIANT HAMPER FULL OF DIRTY LAUNDRY. TEEN-AGER'S DIRTY LAUNDRY. MY SKIN STARTED TO CRAWL JUST THINKING ABOUT WHAT WAS IN THERE.

I LEAPT BACK UP TO GAIA'S LEVEL. FRED WAS CONFRONTING HER. SHE SAW ME AND RAN OUT OF THE ROOM WITH HER BOYFRIEND. AS IF THEY COULD POSSIBLY ESCAPE ME. ME!

AFTER A BRIEF CHASE THROUGH THE HALLS, I CORNERED THE TWO OF THEM IN A WORKSHOP. I LOOMED FORWARD, TOWERING OVER THE SMALL FRIGHTENED BEINGS.

"TIME TO DIE, GAIA!"

I JUMPED FORWARD TO SMASH THEM INTO OBLIVION WITH MY BARE HANDS. ACTUALLY MY HANDS ARE ARMORED. EITHER WAY, ONE OF KOMA'S PORTALS OPENED UP BEFORE ME IN MID-JUMP AND I SAILED THROUGH IT, SUDDENLY FINDING MYSELF BACK ON EARTH, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GOBI DESERT.

BLAST THOSE MEDDLING KIDS.

7 Comments:

Blogger Summer Dawn O'Ciardha said...

Somehow I think I am missing a lot.

Is Xavier this Onslaught guy?

10:27 PM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 said...

Ha ha. Yes

11:16 PM  
Blogger Darth Nepharia said...

Onslaught, you're not really very good at this 'bad guy' thing are you? And is Fred REALLY trying to help?

Let's face it: teenage laundry gives you the heebie jeebies. And was it actually Koma's portal that opened up in front of you and not someone else's?

Hmmmmm, for answers to these and other burning questions, stay tuned.....

;D

12:05 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

You have a point there, Darth N. For a giant evil calculating powerful super villain, he is kind of a clod.

What has he acomplished, er, other than kicking my tail?

5:29 AM  
Blogger Erifia Apoc said...

Prof... Come back to me... This evil you, is stupid. You never make a headlong charge. Now, if you were smart, you'd have busted up through the ceiling and then dropped down on top of that blonde causer of your pain.

9:21 AM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

*shudder* teenage laundry. Was it a teenage sports playing gys's laundry? That's the worst, it corrodes everything it touches.

11:18 PM  
Blogger Nick Fury said...

Maybe we should break out the mutant cure guns just in case ya don't snap out of it Xavier.

2:37 AM  

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