Sunday, January 22, 2006

In front of our assembled team stood the dark lord Apocalypse, his massive form reaching 30 feet high. Pure energy, drained from his mutant captives, rippled through his body. Behind us stood his newly revived Horsemen - Oprah Winfrey, Celine Dion, Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. Our team was already pretty drained from our battles to reach this large inner chamber. We had little left for this fight.

The X-Men responded heroically, of course. Jean did her Phoenix thing, charging at Apocalypse himself, buying the rest of us time to try and overcome the Horsemen. Celine started her horrible cackling screeches again. Gaia was able to throw up her sound dampening shield around her but this time Oprah slammed her with a wall of force and sent poor Gaia flying across the room. The force field enclosed around Gaia into some kind of airtight cage.

I engaged Oprah in a psionic duel, keeping her occupied so the others could hopefully take out the rest of the Horsemen. Wolverine, screaming his battle cry "I'm the best at what I do!" charged Tom Cruise, but he was stopped in his tracks when Cruise started talking about Scientology to him. The totally illogicalness of what Cruise was saying left Wolverine a vegetable.

Deadpool and Colossus charged at Brad Pitt. Just as they were on top of him, Pitt's eyes started to sparkle and he licked his lower lip. Both Wade and Peter were locked into his hypnotic "pretty boy trance." His enemies left as drooling zombies, Pitt was able to move on to Northstar. Unfortunately, given Jean-Paul's tastes, it didn't take much for Pitt to zombie-fy him, too.

Celine, free from Gaia's restraints, started her horrible, mind-numbing singing again. Now Selene, the Black Queen, jumped at her, doing a triple forward flip, catching the Vegas diva in the throat with her boot. With her trachea thankfully stunned, she was left powerless. Selene was able to land several blows against her. That is, until Tom Cruise flashed his "dazzle smile" at her, leaving Selene blinded and stunned.

To my surprise I was having a very difficult time in my mental struggles against Oprah. Her power was incredible. I unleashed everything I had, but I wasn't able to get an advantage. I could actually feel her assault starting to wear my defenses down. Just then a huge energy blast shot out from the center of the room. Jean went hurtling by.

As I looked around, all the X-Men were lying defeated on the ground. Apocalypse and his four Horsemen were moving in on me. Things were looking pretty bleak.

Just when I felt that all was lost, Magneto and his Brotherhood of Mutants burst through the entrance and charged into the room.


Blogger Son Goku said...

beware the man the power of the girlie men hehehehhe!

12:37 AM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

This could be good, this could be bad. I hope they are there to help you, and not take advantage of the situation

2:25 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

At least Celene's awful warbling as been stopped. I can take the cotton out of my ears now.

8:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I with Oneida then again Magneto has a brother type relation ship with you Prof X -- you know NO one cant beat him up but me

9:06 AM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

Why do the bad guys have to come to help you out?

3:42 PM  
Blogger Magneto said...

I resent the implications of that title "bad guys." You will notice that I have dropped the name "Brotherhood of Evil Mutants" in favor of just "the Brotherhood." We are not evil. We only want justice.

4:49 PM  
Anonymous En Sabah Nur said...

My victory is at hand.

5:39 PM  
Blogger Deadpool said...

Just like the video game, kinda! Instead of Grizzly there's Oprah.

9:21 PM  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

Been trying to find this in the book of Revelation I am, but having trouble I am. What chapter is this?

10:05 PM  

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