Tuesday, January 10, 2006

I received the strangest visitor today. As you may be aware, the really, really evil Apocalypse (like his name wasn't enough to tell you he's evil), has been doing what he does, ie-hatching evil plans. We have decided to let him unfold his plot so that we can find out what his ultimate goal is this time. Apparently his plan of attack is a little more convoluted this time. My strange visitor was Apocalypse's lawyer.

"Charles Francis Xavier?" the little mousy man asked.

"Yes."

"On behalf of my client, Apocalypse, I am officially serving you with this cease and desist order."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's all there in the documents. You've been served. Good day."

As the creepy little man in the suit left, I opened the large envelope and peered inside. The top of the papers were emblazoned with the words "Cease and Desist." Reading further, it became apparent that I was being ordered to immediately stop any and all distributions, licensing arrangements and/or marketing campaigns for the video game X-Men Legends 2: Rise of Apocalypse.

How bizarre, I thought. I immediately reached out telepathically to Jean and Gaia and got the phone number for Apocalypse's base in France. After letting it ring about ten times, he finally picked up.

"En Sabah Nur here. Whoever this is, this better be about money you owe me."

"This is Professor X."

"Oh, you. What the hell do you want?"

"Nice to talk to you to. Please tell me what this cease and desist order is all about."

"Oh like you don't know."

"No, I don't, or I wouldn't have asked."

"Don't play Mr. Innocent with me Xavier! I don't know how you found out about my top secret evil plans, but you totally ripped them off in that stinking video game of yours! This will not stand!"

"First of all, I only license out the characters for use in the video game. I have nothing to do with designing it. I have no idea where their plots come from. Second of all, that game was really quite good. Especially for a super-hero game."

"I don't believe you for a minute! You totally used your wussy telepathy powers to steal my brilliant plans! Well don't think it will work! I am unstoppable!!"

And then the line went dead. Sigh.

10 Comments:

Blogger Selene said...

The lawyer said "You've been served" huh? It sounds like you are being challenged to a 'dance off'...now that's just low...even for me.

10:35 PM  
Blogger Jean Grey-Summers said...

He really is that stupid. Even more so, in person.

Just play along. And when the time comes to crush him, it will all be over.

But I still believe Oprah is the one behind this.

10:52 PM  
Blogger Taskmaster said...

If he's anything like the game, he'll tell you exactly how to beat him while he's fighting you. Or, just use Bishop's extreme move and his boost, and let Wolverine do his increasing slash move, you'll get over 600 damage at least every attack.

1:39 AM  
Blogger Vampirella said...

lawyera are theultimate evil

9:39 AM  
Blogger flu said...

He's got Chief Brody for a lawyer?

10:45 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Licensing? Hey, where's my action figure and videogame?

10:56 AM  
Blogger * Northstar * said...

Sounds like Apocalypse needs a good douche.

11:50 AM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

laywers, now that's fighting dirty

2:05 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

I know. It doesn't seem like there isn't any depth too which this man, or whatever he is, won't sink.

2:22 PM  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

When banished, all the Sith from our galaxy were, over to your galaxy they came. Still practicing the Dark Side now, they are. Only now "attorneys" instead of "Sith" they call themselves.

5:56 PM  

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