Wednesday, December 14, 2005

It certainly felt good to be back in my own universe and in my own time period after all the wild antics of the last few days. I was just exhausted and was looking forward to sleeping for a week! Before I could go up to my bedroom though, my first stop was going to have to be the restroom. Those Starbuck Frapaccinos go right through me.

When I opened the door to the private bathroom in my office, who did I see standing there, completely naked, in front of the toilet, apparently taking care of business before getting into the shower, which is a classy thing to do, I must say. It was me, of course. Exactly what I told Jean I didn't want to happen. And now she's gone back to her white hot room. Sigh.

I, by which I mean the other me, who was actually standing on his two feet, let out a startled gasp when he saw me, by which I mean me, sitting in the doorway in my wheelchair.

"Who on earth are you?" he demanded indignantly as he reached for a towel.

"Sorry for the intrusion. I realize this might be a little hard to believe but I am actually Charles Xavier, too. However, I seem to be in the wrong alternate reality. Just a funny little mix-up, really."

I felt him reaching out with his mind to scan my thoughts. Hoping to diffuse this awkward moment, I opened myself up to him.

"Well, you do seem to be telling the truth," he said at last. "So how do we get you back where you belong?"

"Do you have a Gaia or Jean Grey here? Perhaps they can -"

Just then my, or that is, "his" office door flew open. In rushed Emma, Mystique, Wolverine and Scott.

"Professor, this isn't our reality," Emma said breathlessly. "That stupid cow brought us to the wrong place!"

"I know, Emma. It will be alright. I was just explaining this to my other self and-"

"Wolverine?!" the other me spat in disgust. "Is this some kind of trap?! Who are you-"

Before he got any further, he doubled up in agony. He started to make the most terrible groans as strange bulges started to emerge all across his body. The rest of of us could only stare in wonderment as his skin tone began to get more ashen. He was getting bigger. And greener.

After a few moments, the Hulk was standing in front of us. More like looming over us, really.

"Um, I think we should be going now," I told the others.

"It's alright, Chuck," said Wolverine. "I've tangled with this guy before."

"Yeah," chipped in Mystique, "and the last time he ripped you in half, right?"

The former me, now a giant jade monster, started howling in rage. His huge muscular arms lashed out, smashing the walls of the bathroom he was in. An alarm started going off and I could sense the other residents of the school rushing towards us.

"Hulk hate puny Xavier!" the behemoth roared as he drew an arm back. His mighty fist came hurtling straight for my head. Less than a second before impact, Wolverine smashed into the side of my chair, sending me flying. I banged my head on the corner of my oak desk. While it did hurt quite a bit, I recognized that the alternative would have been much worse.

"Since when did you become the Hulk?" Emma asked, as she helped me back up.

"Well, I did have a "lost weekend" in Las Vegas a few years ago," I offered. "Just give me a moment."

Using my telepathic powers, I entered the Hulk's mind. His thoughts were a confused jumble of rage but I was able to sort through it and take control of him. I had the Hulk lie down in the corner and focus on his breathing. He was asleep in no time.

Several of the the residents of the school, mostly familiar X-Men, had entered the office. Emma explained to them what was going on. I could sense that they weren't sure what to about us and were thinking about attacking. Before they could decide though, a shimmering portal appeared in the middle of the room. Jean Grey emerged through it.

"Sorry, Professor. My bad. I was watching your ordeal on one of the TV's in that Starbucks. I figured out what happened though and can take you home now."

I stared at her for a long moment before nodding. We all went through the portal and after passing into another TV set, were back in what appeared to be my office. We looked around at each other uncertainly. Then my office door opened and Gaia came rushing in. She had a talking fox under her arm.

"Oh great!" exclaimed Wolverine. "We're in some kind of alternate funny animal reality!"

"No," I assured him. "Fred is from our world. We are finally back home."


Blogger Vegeta said...

Hopefully your in the righjt reality. look in the bathroom just in case, You don't need to be surprised by yourself turned into the thing or A supersaiyan

11:59 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Yeah, I'd check the bathroom too, just to make sure. One should never rely on just one indicator, like a squeeky fence, to tell you if you're in the right dimension or not.

2:12 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Angry naked Hulk? That I did not need to imagine.

8:12 AM  
Blogger Master Yoda said...

I say if the right dimension it is, it matters not.

Better or worse than your own dimension, is this one? If better it is, make yourself comfortable, you might as well.

11:15 AM  
Blogger Jean Grey-Summers said...

Yeah. Sorry 'bout that Professor. Hopefully this is te right one, cause all this moving is making me exhausted.

And you know how I get when I don't have any rest.

2:15 PM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

'Sliders' seems to come into mind here. Are you sure you're in nthe right place?

2:51 PM  
Blogger Mr. Sprok said...

The direction of the water draining down the toilet bowl would be a solid indicator of which dimension you're in.

6:03 PM  

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